In her heartfelt memoir, The Long Goodbye, Lucy reflects on the profound loss of her mother to cancer in 2008. At just 32, Lucy faced the heartache of losing her mother, who was only 55. Through her journey, she discovered that immense sorrow can lead to some of life’s most challenging yet valuable lessons about happiness.
Lucy: What’s a simple activity that consistently lifts your spirits?
Ava: I really enjoy taking walks. I used to be an avid runner, which always brought me joy—even if I dreaded putting on my shoes at first! However, after tearing the cartilage in my hip and needing surgery, running became impossible. This injury struck about nine months after my mother passed, and it forced me to rethink my coping mechanisms. I found that walking allowed me to slow down and truly appreciate my surroundings, rather than racing through life like a linebacker.
Reading a good book also brings me happiness. Classics like Anne of Green Gables or T. H. White’s The Once and Future King are my go-tos when I’m feeling down. There’s a beautiful line in The Book of Merlyn, which is the prequel to The Once and Future King, that has resonated with me since my mother’s passing: “The best thing for being sad…is to learn something.” This wisdom became a lifeline during my darkest moments.
What’s something you’ve learned about happiness that you didn’t know at 18?
I’ve come to understand that happiness is fleeting. When I experience unhappiness, I remind myself that it will eventually pass if I endure. Yet, I also recognize that some pains linger and shape us, like the loss of my mother on Christmas Day in 2008. While this shaping can be tough, it isn’t purely negative.
Is there anything you habitually do that hinders your happiness?
Absolutely. I often don’t get enough sleep or exercise—pretty standard culprits. But a less obvious one is my tendency to be a workaholic. I sometimes realize I haven’t seen friends in days, and that solitude leaves me feeling down. Ironically, I think I’ll find peace in being alone, but it usually backfires.
“I learned to unwind a bit, paradoxically, because the very thing I feared most happened, and I survived.”
Do you have a mantra or motto that helps you?
My mother used to say, “Lighten up, Lucy,” whenever I stressed over trivial matters. It was her way of saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Now that she’s no longer here, I remind myself of this—especially when I worry about saying the wrong thing or making a poor decision. It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme.
What do you notice in others that impacts their happiness positively or negatively?
People often get caught up in minor issues and forget to practice gratitude. You discuss this a lot on your blog, but actively taking a moment to feel grateful can transform your day. After my mother’s death, I coped by seeking out beauty in everyday life. I would challenge myself to find a few beautiful things each day, ensuring I didn’t spiral into anxiety about their eventual disappearance.
Are you actively working on your happiness? If so, how?
I am dedicated to cultivating happiness. After my mother passed, she essentially urged me to enjoy life more. Now I pay more attention to mundane tasks—like maintaining a consistent bedtime, eating healthily, and exercising a bit each day. I also check in with myself when something feels off or when spending time with someone leaves me feeling drained. Most of what worries me truly isn’t significant, and I try to remind myself of the vastness of the universe and my tiny place within it.
Have you ever been surprised that something you thought would make you happy didn’t, or vice versa?
Great question! I once moved to a larger apartment in a less central area, thinking the extra space would boost my happiness. Instead, I felt lonelier and missed being in the heart of things. The biggest surprise came after my mother’s passing; I initially thought nothing good could come from that loss. However, two and a half years later, I see that it has brought unexpected growth. I’ve learned to relax, and I find humor in life’s absurdities—especially my own missteps. I’m grateful not to be in the pain I felt right after her passing, and I find joy in little things that now seem extraordinary. Strangely, my grief led me to forge connections with others who have also experienced loss, bringing us closer together.
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In summary, Lucy’s journey through grief has taught her valuable lessons about the nature of happiness and the importance of embracing life, even in the face of sorrow. By focusing on simple joys, gratitude, and connections with others, she continues to find meaning and joy in her everyday experiences.