Last Christmas, my mother gifted my three-year-old a tablet, and I promptly confiscated it. I’m not keen on him getting too attached to screens—he already lunges for my phone the moment I turn my back, expertly navigating to the cartoons I reserve for those boring doctor’s visits. But that tablet? It’s still around. And truth be told, I could use it myself. On the rare occasion that I sneak past his room with it in hand, I hear him whisper, “That’s my tablet,” as if he’s auditioning for a role in a dramatic movie. It gives me a tiny jolt of anxiety.
His first betrayal, I think. But then I remind myself: He probably won’t remember this. However, he’s four now, at that golden age when memories start to stick. So, I’ve committed to being a better version of myself—not just for him, but for my own sanity. It’s essential for kids to see their parents being real; a perpetually perfect mom would be a bit… off. So, I set out to tidy up my emotional, financial, and social life because I want a strong relationship with my kids in the future. With some advice from my mom friends, we’ve gathered a list of things to consider:
1. Manage Your Health Anxiety.
I totally understand the struggle. Every little ache feels like a disaster waiting to happen. Once, my friend Lisa jokingly asked, “How many people do you know with a rare disease other than the actual person?” My doctor suggested I eat a banana for my twitchy eyelid. Now, it’s amusing. But if you’re a mother-in-law stressing your kids out with your health fears, it’s not so funny.
2. Let Go of Old Grudges.
We all have our stories of wrongs: a divorce, a rude sibling. But your kids shouldn’t carry the weight of your past. Work on letting it go—maybe through meditation or art therapy. Just don’t let it consume you.
3. Stop Creating New Grudges.
Some folks are hypersensitive to perceived slights. Don’t be that parent. Avoid constantly informing your kids about every minor conflict you encounter. As Ryan Fehr, a psychologist, points out, many situations are gray, not black and white. If you find yourself frequently grumbling about how someone was rude to you, it might be time to focus on forgiveness instead.
4. Keep Your Love Life Private.
Even as adults, your children don’t need to know the ins and outs of your romantic life. We all have needs, but keeping this private is just plain respectful.
5. Get Your Finances in Order.
I know someone whose mother, a self-proclaimed feminist, has never managed her finances. My friend had to step in and automate her bills. The mother, despite asking for help, still complains. Remember, as a parent, it’s your job to manage your life so your kids don’t have to.
6. Use Your Travel Rewards Wisely.
When your kids have their little ones, visiting you will be a challenge. Instead of making them come to you, use those frequent flyer miles to visit them. Trust me, traveling with toddlers can be a nightmare!
7. Get Fit Now.
Consider starting a yoga practice or some other form of exercise. When you’re juggling kids and chaos during family gatherings, you’ll need all the strength you can muster.
8. Choose a Stable Home.
Many retirees decide to relocate, but this can complicate things for your kids. If you have a strong community around you, it’s easier for your children to help out when needed.
9. Cultivate Friendships.
Your years spent raising kids are prime for building lasting friendships. It’s important for your own happiness and to avoid burdening your kids with your social needs.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out some of our other posts, like this one on pregnancy. And for those considering starting a family, Cryobaby offers excellent resources. Additionally, if you’re curious about fertility insurance, UCSF’s FAQ is a fantastic place to start.
In conclusion, focusing on your emotional well-being, social connections, and personal responsibilities will help ensure your children have a positive view of you as they grow up.