Oh, boy. What I really want is a public school that’s already excellent—not just one that’s getting better. Sure, there are options like moving, private institutions, or parochial schools, but the only realistic path seems to be home-schooling. While I admire the home-schooling approach, I’d be the one teaching, and frankly, I’m not keen on taking that on.
So, I’ve settled on the idea of enrolling our kids in the improving public school and committing to being super involved parents. We’ll fundraise, organize enrichment activities (I picture “enrichment” as something like “stuffing with butter”), cart them off to robot camp after school, and mix storytime with Mandarin flashcards. In other words, we’ll be the ultimate “helicopter parents.” Yet, as I pondered this plan, it hit me: I was essentially crafting a hybrid of public schooling and home-schooling.
Recently, Mia Johnson, a writer and mom who has lived both in France and the U.S., shared an article on Quartz titled “France’s Simple Solution to Curbing Helicopter Parents Makes Life Better for Women.” As tempting as it sounds, shifting to a “French” parenting style would mean completely defying our entire culture on my own.
In her piece, Johnson discusses the longer school days in France, which run from 8:20 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., effectively serving as childcare. The lunches are nutritious, and they offer after-school classes and sports twice a week. She notes that helicopter parenting is prevalent in the U.S. but virtually nonexistent in France. French parents don’t have the luxury of direct access to their children’s teachers; they aren’t expected to engage in fundraising or meetings during work hours. They can go to work confident that their kids are well cared for and educated. As Johnson puts it, “public school is not supposed to be half home-schooling.”
I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Johnson’s previous exploration of French parenting, “Raising Kids the French Way,” was released just as I began my own parenting journey. It painted a fascinating picture of a different cultural approach to raising children, but it didn’t offer much practical guidance. Adopting a French style would mean swimming against the current of my own culture. Just try pushing back against the constant stream of sugary treats at playdates or insisting on structured snack times when everyone else is snacking on Goldfish and Cheerios.
In the U.S., public schools vary widely in quality; the disparity between our lowest and highest-performing students is staggering. The better public schools—those deemed “good”—tend to be in wealthier neighborhoods, benefiting from engaged and well-off parents. For families like mine, zoned for less desirable schools, ensuring our kids succeed often means dedicating time to fundraising, tutoring, and communicating with teachers. With one-third of America’s fourth-graders unable to read at grade level, the issue isn’t that I’m a helicopter mom. There’s something fundamentally broken in our educational system.
Johnson addresses this: “Moms are essentially forced out of their professional lives and into a school system deprived of resources. We can thank societal skepticism and a lack of investment in quality public education for this.” She questions why more Americans don’t consider higher taxes to support better educational and childcare systems instead of relying on moms to fill the gaps.
When local schools are underperforming, and the stakes for college rise, mothers often go above and beyond to secure their kids’ futures. I can’t quite wrap my head around it. It’s disheartening to see such weak support for families and a low bar for public education in this country. I can only assume that those against universal high-quality daycare are part of the “I got mine” mentality.
Johnson suggests that mothers could channel their energies into personal growth or advocating for enhanced childcare and educational opportunities for everyone. While that’s a noble idea, it doesn’t apply to those of us who recognize that our involvement in our children’s education is crucial to their academic success. American parents aren’t likely to step back from managing their kids’ educations unless there’s a significant overhaul in school quality.
The title “France’s Simple Solution to Curbing Helicopter Parents” is quite amusing. Revamping our educational system, childcare, parental leave policies, and broader culture is hardly simple. While I appreciate the effort to highlight what works in other countries, it can be frustrating when critiques of mothers come into play: “[Teachers] work without the nonstop parental input that’s common in the U.S. Conversations with overbearing moms aren’t part of the job description.” Labeling mothers as “overbearing” or “helicoptering” shifts some blame onto them—moms are simply responding to uncertain circumstances. When schools are subpar, and the cost of skipping college is high, mothers will do whatever it takes to help their kids thrive. That’s just part of the job.
So yes, we should advocate for longer school days, fair funding, and well-trained, well-compensated teachers. But let’s not frame this as a “mom problem”—the narrative that kids need to learn independence without their parents hovering around suggests a dismissive attitude toward concerned mothers.
In summary, while there are lessons to learn from international practices, the U.S. educational system needs a fundamental transformation to support families better. The focus should not solely be on mothers but on creating an environment where all children can thrive.