Recently, I asked myself a reflective question: What’s causing me to “feel bad”? It’s crucial to understand the triggers behind those negative feelings, as they often signal the need for changes in our lives. Once you pinpoint the sources of your discomfort, it’s time to consider how to eliminate them.
When I pondered, “What makes me feel bad?” I discovered I was stuck in a frustrating loop. Little annoyances would overwhelm me, leading to irritability, which then caused me to act in ways I regretted, resulting in guilt and shame—only to spiral further into negativity.
Take, for instance, my morning routine. Each day, I would open the coat closet to grab our coats, hats, and mittens for the school run. The closet was a chaotic mess, making it hard to find anything. The sight of that clutter would leave me feeling frustrated. Consequently, I’d be more prone to snapping at my kids: “Hurry up!” or “Why can’t you keep track of your hat?”—only to feel awful about my tone afterward.
While a messy closet isn’t a life-altering problem, being perpetually irritable is a significant issue. To jumpstart my happiness, I tackled this on a basic level. Here’s what helped me curb my irritability:
- Avoiding hunger by snacking healthy
- Layering up to stay warm
- Taking pain relief when headaches or neck aches struck
- Switching off lights when I felt sleepy
- Decluttering and organizing my space
Implementing these changes really did reduce my overall irritability, which in turn lessened my guilt over my behavior. So, once you’ve assessed what’s making you feel bad, you can apply the “Eighth Commandment” (check out this resource) to identify the problem. Why are you feeling angry, guilty, or anxious?
For example, if guilt is creeping in, maybe it’s because you think your kids watch too much TV. But do they really? Who defines what’s “too much”? Challenge your thoughts. Should you eliminate the TVs completely? Limit their use? Either decide it’s not an issue or take action to change it.
Another strategy is to “re-frame” your mindset. I used to resent being the one who paid all the bills, feeling burdened. Then I thought, “Would I really want my partner to take over?” Realizing I preferred to handle that task lightened my mood significantly.
Here are some additional steps I’m taking to combat those pesky bad feelings: I’m cutting out gossip, making an effort to connect with family, tidying the kitchen after meals, keeping my clothes picked up, engaging with my kids without distractions, and planning holiday shopping early.
Sometimes, I also feel guilty about not pushing myself hard enough. I thought I wasn’t ambitious or adventurous enough. So, I made a resolution to challenge myself, which, while uncomfortable at times, has also alleviated my negative feelings.
Some of the most impactful changes I’m making are too personal to share here. The key is to understand why you’re feeling bad and how to shift those feelings. Either work to resolve the situation or accept it.
If you’re feeling down about yourself, remember: the best way to boost your self-esteem is to act in a way that makes you feel proud. When you feel worthy in your own eyes, your self-image will rise!
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Summary:
Feeling bad often stems from minor annoyances that can lead to a cycle of negativity. By identifying the sources of discomfort and taking proactive steps to address them—whether through practical changes or mindset shifts—you can break the cycle and improve your overall well-being.