I find myself at a McDonald’s play area—an establishment I would have avoided like the plague when I had my first child. The greasy food! The germs! The rampant consumerism! The GMOs!
But after a decade of parenting and nearly four decades of life experience, I’ve come to understand that being overly idealistic about what I expose my children to is just plain silly. It only breeds stress and unrealistic expectations.
Sure, there are aspects of being an older mom that I’m not thrilled about, but one of the best things I’ve gained is the ability to let go of the need for perfection in parenting.
So here I am, watching my 3-year-old enjoy a chocolate milk that’s probably loaded with hormones and antibiotics that could wreak havoc on his future fertility. But you know what? He’s happily entertained, and bonus—there’s Wi-Fi! Thanks for that, McDonald’s.
He’s playing with a pair of twins who appear to be just slightly younger than him. They’re “taking turns” on the slide, which translates to a comical game of kicking each other to be next. It’s adorable, and I’m just glad to have a moment to breathe.
The twins’ mom starts chatting with me, asking about my son’s age, school, and then, inevitably, she dives straight into the burning question: “Is he potty trained yet?”
Ah, the classic icebreaker—discussing the bathroom habits of toddlers within minutes of meeting someone new.
“Sort of,” I reply. “He still wears pull-ups during naps and at night, and when I’m too lazy to deal with public restrooms during road trips.”
“Really? Oh my God, that makes me feel so much better! My twins just turned 3, and potty training has been a nightmare.”
We continue chatting about potty training and various milestones. I regale her with the horror story of potty training my first child—a process that was neither pretty nor punctual.
One of the perks of being an older mom? The ability to laugh about even the most cringe-worthy parenting moments.
But as I listened to her share her struggles, I could feel the weight of her expectations. She seemed so eager to get everything right, to stay on schedule, and keep up with the seemingly perfect parents around her.
I remember being in her shoes. My first child was my entire universe. I was attentive to his every whim. I hovered and tried to create special moments. We even penned a “book” together when he was just 2 years old!
There was nothing inherently wrong with any of that, except perhaps the hovering—that gives me the shudders now. The issue lay in my expectations. I wanted his childhood to be flawless, to capture every moment like a magazine spread.
But guess what? Kids are messy, loud, and unpredictable. Sometimes my attempts at picture-perfect days would go somewhat well, but more often than not, chaos would erupt, leaving me feeling like a total failure.
It took me ages—seriously, a long time—to realize there was nothing wrong with either of us. It was all about my unrealistic standards. Once I understood that the pursuit of perfection in parenting is a myth, I became a much happier parent.
Ultimately, all our kids really want is our best. They crave a messy, adventurous childhood where they can disrupt our plans with their spontaneous play and exploration. They will reach milestones on their own schedules, whether it’s getting out of the house on time or mastering potty training.
Why does it take us parents so long to grasp this? I wanted to pull this McDonald’s mom aside and give her a reassuring hug—or maybe just shake her gently to instill some common sense.
We seasoned parents might seem casual in our approach, which can be frustrating for those striving for perfection. But we genuinely want to ease your stress and reassure you that parenting is not about achieving perfection.
As they grow, kids will still drive us crazy. Older children can be just as challenging, even if they sleep through the night. But what gets easier is shedding the myth of perfection.
You start thinking, “If I survived five years of sleep deprivation, I can definitely handle helping my kid with common core math,” or, “If I managed potty training, college won’t be that daunting.” Figuring out how to pay for it, though? That’s a whole other challenge that may require some wizardry.
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In summary, the journey of parenting is one of accepting that perfection is an illusion. Embracing the messiness of life and the unpredictability of children can lead to a more joyful and less stressful parenting experience.