Before having kids, many women have strong opinions about how they plan to parent. They watch other moms dealing with tantrums in grocery stores or cleaning up messes at restaurants and swear they’ll never become that person. Or they hear about the mom who gave birth in a kiddie pool while home-schooling her tween and knitting socks for her husband, and think, “No way I’m doing that!”
Fast forward a couple of years, a partner, and maybe even a few fertility attempts, and suddenly you’re the one ordering a home birth kit while your toddler wails in the midwife’s office. Motherhood has a way of turning you into someone you never imagined you’d be. Here are 15 common milestones that all moms go through:
- You will find yourself pushing one of those ridiculous, car-shaped shopping carts around the grocery store, kids spilling out of the windows while you bump into everything. Despite your disdain for it, you’ll experience a surge of frustration when all the carts are occupied when you arrive.
- You will miss important meetings, parent-teacher conferences, or even coffee dates with your great aunt, and you’ll pin the blame on your baby. Forget how much you loathed it when coworkers used their kids as excuses—now it’s your turn!
- You will unknowingly walk around with stickers stuck to your backside, only discovering them when you change for bed later that night.
- You will find yourself catching your child’s vomit in your bare hands in public places that aren’t equipped for such emergencies—like on an airplane, or during communion at church, or at that new Italian restaurant down the street. Nothing beats being the reason the first day of summer is ruined for fifty kids. Trust me; I know from experience.
- You will do everything you can to prevent a car nap. If you can’t, and your toddler dozes off, you’ll stay in the car and read while he snoozes, because transferring him to his bed without interruption is just not happening.
- You will injure yourself doing something silly just to prove to your kid that you can still do it. Whether it’s pogo sticking or trying to climb on a jungle gym, you’ll realize mid-air that you might be too old for this.
- You will develop a mom nemesis—the one who knows exactly how to push your buttons. She seems to pop up everywhere: the mommy-and-me class, your kid’s soccer team, and even at the salon. You’ll be tempted to escape her endless advice on how to parent perfectly.
- You will catch yourself sounding just like your mother, and even your father, especially when it comes to turning off lights. Surprisingly, you won’t mind.
- You will unsolicitedly share photos of your kids with complete strangers, because who doesn’t want to see your adorable family?
- You will enter an unspoken competition with another mom at your Mommy & Me class, comparing milestones even though you used to think this was ridiculous. After all, your kid walked at eight months, so there!
- You will refer to yourself as “Mommy” in the third person. “Mommy says it’s time for bed,” and “Mommy is tired of this!” will become part of your everyday language.
- You will feel a twinge of guilt for wanting some alone time on Mother’s Day. You might not admit it, but you’d rather sleep in than suffer through a poorly made breakfast in bed.
- You will feel ancient and decidedly uncool the first time you embarrass your middle schooler in public with something they once thought was awesome.
- You will clutch your child’s beloved toy, now missing an eye and smelling like cheese, and shed a tear when you discover it in the toy box while cleaning.
- You will find yourself telling a new mom the words you once loathed hearing during those sleepless nights: “Cherish it; it goes so quickly.” Because now you really wish you had cherished it, and time seems to fly by way too fast.
For more insights on family planning and parenting, check out this great resource on pregnancy. Also, if you’re on a journey of self-insemination, you might want to explore this helpful guide for couples. And if you’re curious about home insemination kits, take a look at our post here.
In summary, motherhood is filled with unexpected experiences and realizations, from the silly to the profound. The journey is not always easy, but it’s undeniably transformative.