Sorry, But I’m Not Interested in Being Your Mom Friend

Hello, Emily,

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to address the numerous invitations I’ve received about the upcoming ladies’ night at Olive Garden. I apologize for not responding sooner; I was caught up in a minor crisis involving a swarm of bees and a lack of Wi-Fi.

Regrettably, I won’t be attending your get-together this week or your “Wine and Dine” event next week — although I must admit that one was tempting. Please also count me out for Bunco and the “Crafting with Koalas” event (seriously, did the zoo approve that?).

Let’s get straight to the point: I don’t want to be your mom friend.

I understand this might be surprising, especially since our kids are best pals, but let’s be real — there’s a solid chance they might be at odds next week. So, it might be wise to keep some distance.

This might not be something you encounter often, given that you’re the life of the PTA, so I feel the need to explain my stance.

1. I’m Not a People Person.

You seem lovely, genuinely, but socializing isn’t my strong suit. I can handle it during work hours, but when it comes to my free time, I prefer to be alone. There’s nothing wrong with rocking sweatpants and enjoying a drink in solitude.

2. Small Talk is Not My Thing.

I know, I sound antisocial, but I really can’t stand the predictable questions that come up when I’m around groups of moms. Conversations about my husband’s job or my kids’ sports skills seem so forced. It’s bizarre to me that we’re discussing our kids’ interests when we barely know each other — like, does it really matter that my kid loathes soccer?

3. I’m Not a Fan of Over-Scheduling.

I noticed your daughter, Lily, seems to have a packed schedule with activities every day. That’s great for you, but I can’t think of anything worse than running around to events every night and then complaining about it to other parents. Honestly, there just aren’t enough hours in the day for that!

4. I Have My Own Crew.

While we teach our kids that friendship is essential, I believe having a smaller circle is more meaningful. I have a tight-knit group that would help me with anything — no questions asked. And just to clarify, I mean that in the friendliest way possible.

5. Trust Issues Run Deep.

High school taught me a lot about how women can clash when opinions differ. I might seem like a hot mess most of the time, but I steer clear of drama. The only gossip I’m interested in involves food — especially a delicious pile of chicken wings. If you want to chat about someone’s bad haircut, I’m not the right person for that.

6. I Believe in Natural Connections.

I’m open to new friendships, but they should develop organically. Genuine connections are effortless and enjoyable. Being coerced into attending an Olive Garden ladies’ night sounds like my personal nightmare.

7. My True Friends Know Me Well.

My real friends appreciate my quirks, understand my anti-social tendencies, and have witnessed my emotional moments. We’re honest with each other, and they’ll let me know if my outfit is a disaster — and that’s why I cherish them.

So, I’m sorry, Emily, but I won’t be joining your mom tribe. To be honest, you probably wouldn’t have liked me anyway. If you’re interested in more insights about parenting and relationships, check out this engaging post on intracervicalinsemination.org.

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In summary, while socializing with other moms may be appealing to many, I find comfort in my solitude and established friendships. I appreciate your understanding in this matter.