Fear of failure is something we all face at some time in our lives. Whether it’s hesitating to approach someone new or holding back from applying for that dream job because “there’s no way I could get it,” fear can be a serious roadblock. One potential remedy? Redefining what we mean by “success.”
A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend—let’s call him Alex—about the trials of being single and the challenges of hitting on potential partners. Many people want to make a connection but often shy away due to the fear of rejection. Alex shared, “I actually enjoy going out less when I’m single because I only feel accomplished if I connect with someone. This makes ‘having a good night’ feel like it’s out of my hands—much more than if I focused on just having fun with friends.”
Later, I spoke with another friend, whom we’ll call Ben. I relayed Alex’s feelings and was surprised when Ben responded that he had never felt this way. His outlook was refreshingly different: he genuinely enjoys engaging with new people, no matter the outcome. For him, the thrill of approaching someone and sparking a conversation is rewarding in itself, regardless of how they respond.
This made me realize that Alex and Ben have vastly different definitions of success. For Alex, success hinges on the girl’s reaction: whether she shows interest, gives him her number, or goes home with him. For Ben, success is rooted in his actions: simply having the courage to strike up a conversation. Because Ben focuses on what he can control, he tends to have a better time and likely talks to more people, as he’s less daunted by the possibility of a negative response.
To make progress in life, we often need to tackle tasks that intimidate us. Approaching someone you’re interested in is just one example of this broader challenge. A novel approach to combat this fear of failure is to start viewing success as something we can manage rather than outcomes beyond our control.
Let’s step back and think about the underlying issue. When learning any new skill—be it flirting, public speaking, or even mastering the piano—most of us go through a phase of being less-than-proficient. This can make it tough to stay motivated. Research in psychology indicates that one key to motivation is self-efficacy: the belief that you can succeed. If you don’t believe in your chances, it becomes nearly impossible to find the motivation to try. Framing your goals around what you can control—like Ben’s aim to “just talk to girls”—is far more motivating than Alex’s focus on “getting a girl’s number.” Ben’s goal is achievable and within his control, boosting his confidence.
Setting small, manageable goals that you can control is also a great way to foster a positive momentum (or what we call “success spirals”). Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you’re on a roll, checking off tasks left and right? The more you accomplish, the more confident you feel about tackling the next challenge, creating a positive feedback loop that supercharges your motivation.
So, the next time fear of failure stops you in your tracks, take a moment to reflect: How am I defining success? If we celebrate our efforts rather than fixating on outcomes, we can find it much easier to step outside our comfort zones.
For more insights on overcoming challenges, check out this interesting post on intracervicalinsemination.com, where they discuss practical tips for self-insemination. Also, visit Make a Mom for authority advice on home insemination. Additionally, Science Daily offers excellent resources for pregnancy and fertility topics.
Summary
Fear of failure can hinder our pursuits, whether in dating or other areas of life. By redefining success in terms of what we can control, like taking action rather than focusing on outcomes, we can build confidence and motivation. Embracing small, achievable goals can lead to more enjoyable experiences and reduce the fear that holds us back.