In the world of parenting, many of us find ourselves asking, “What would Mom do?”—much like those “WWJD?” stickers that encourage us to reflect on our choices. As I navigate the rewarding yet daunting task of raising my own children, I often think back to my own upbringing and the lessons I gleaned from my mother—though perhaps not in the way you might expect.
Let me clarify: I’m not aiming to replicate her approach. Instead, I’ve strived to forge a path that goes in the opposite direction. My childhood was steeped in a culture of fear. Our hardwood floors could’ve been made of eggshells, and I often felt cloaked in a heavy blanket of loneliness. While the phrase “I love you” was a frequent visitor, it often felt devoid of warmth, more like an obligation than a genuine sentiment. My mother would often say, “I love you because I brought you into this world, but that doesn’t mean I have to like you,” which left a lasting impact on my self-worth.
When I faced challenges at school, her first instinct was to ask, “What did you do wrong?” instead of offering comfort. And if I was sick, I was reminded how much of an inconvenience it was for her, as she would confine me to my room without the solace of TV or movies, reasoning, “If you’re too sick for school, you’re too sick for TV.” Those early experiences led me to believe I was a burden and had somehow earned my father’s declaration that he loved my mother more than me.
Despite this, my mother unintentionally taught me some valuable lessons about parenting. Most importantly, she showed me the true meaning of unconditional love. Now, I make it a point to express my love for my kids without strings attached. I tell them I love them not only when they do something delightful but also during their less-than-perfect moments—like when they accidentally spill a container of rice on the kitchen floor. I want them to know that my love for them is unwavering.
I have replaced the blanket of loneliness from my childhood with the joy of superhero capes draped around my children. At ages four and five, they should feel invincible, brimming with confidence and imagination, rather than being weighed down by fear. I strive to be the safe haven they can run to after a bad dream or a tough day at school.
Maintaining open lines of communication is crucial for me. I ask my daughter about her day with genuine curiosity, ensuring she feels safe to express herself without fear of punishment. Together, we explore ways to make better choices and handle challenges.
Navigating this parenting journey without my own mom can be tricky. There are days when I find myself longing for her presence, only to quickly remind myself that I want her support, just not her methods. As my father wisely stated years ago, we can’t choose our relatives; we can only learn from them—taking what we need and leaving behind what we don’t.
In closing, perhaps the most important question I’ve learned to ask myself is, “What would I do?”
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Summary:
The author reflects on the parenting lessons learned from her mother, contrasting them with her own approach as a parent. While her upbringing was marked by fear and conditional love, she now focuses on unconditional love and open communication with her children, striving to create a supportive environment where they feel safe and valued.