You know that iconic scene in that classic rom-com where two friends debate whether men and women can ever truly be friends? Here’s a quick refresher, just in case you haven’t memorized every line like I have:
Jake: You do realize we could never be friends, right?
Sara: Why’s that?
Jake: Well, and this is not a flirtation in any way, but men and women can’t just be pals because the whole attraction thing complicates everything.
Sara: That’s not correct! I have several male friends and there’s no romance involved.
Jake: No way.
Sara: Yes, definitely!
Jake: Nope, not possible.
Sara: Are you suggesting I’m sleeping with them without knowing?
Jake: No, I’m saying they all want to sleep with you.
Sara: They do not!
Jake: Oh, they totally do.
Sara: How can you be so sure?
Jake: Because no guy can be friends with a woman he finds attractive without wanting more.
Sara: And what about the ones he finds unattractive?
Jake: Well, you probably wouldn’t mind them either.
Sara: But what if they’re not interested?
Jake: That doesn’t really matter; the attraction is there, and it complicates everything—end of story.
Sara: So, I suppose we can’t be friends then?
Jake: Looks that way.
Sara: That’s unfortunate! You were the only person I knew in this city.
Ah, classic cinema! But back to the real topic at hand: I don’t buy into this theory. I genuinely think that friendships between men and women can exist without any sexual tension complicating things. I mean, I have high hopes for this, especially given the number of close male friends my partner has!
Friendships Between Mothers and Non-Mothers
But let’s shift gears for a moment and ponder a different type of friendship: that between mothers and non-mothers.
Making friends with fellow moms is a breeze. There’s no awkwardness when a call gets cut short or when you have to describe an epic toddler meltdown without batting an eye. You aren’t fazed by the chaos on the other end of the phone because it mirrors your own delightful madness.
In contrast, non-mom friends sometimes don’t get it. I’ve found myself sneaking phone calls in the car after dropping the kids off at school or hiding in the bathroom to avoid interruptions. I’ve even been hung up on because I sounded “too distracted” to engage. But isn’t being “distracted” just part of the mom gig? Do we really ever get to focus solely on a conversation?
And while a non-mom friend might not say it outright, is there some hidden resentment about no longer being the top priority? After kids come along, it becomes trickier to spontaneously meet for dinner or drinks when babysitters flake at the last minute. As much as I adore my friends, kids inevitably take precedence.
Of course, mothers and non-mothers can absolutely be pals. Some of my closest friends don’t have children, and my love for them remains unchanged. Still, I can’t help but wonder if, similar to what Jake argues about attraction, the kids eventually throw a wrench in the works of those friendships.
What Do You Think?
If you’re interested in more insights, check out our other blog posts like this one. And for those looking into starting a family, Make a Mom offers fantastic resources. If you’re exploring pregnancy options, Healthline is an excellent source of information.
Summary
Friendships can exist between mothers and non-mothers, although challenges arise when kids enter the picture. While some believe that attraction complicates friendships, many find joy in both types of relationships.