I’m the gal who absolutely adores being pregnant. Stretch marks, nausea, bloating, episiotomies—you name it! The miracle of growing a tiny human in less than a year is nothing short of enchanting. Feeling that little one kick and twist around is an experience like no other. However, I have no desire to bring one of those little sleep thieves home with me ever again. I’ve already taken that ride twice, and I’m quite content with my two little treasures who can now articulate their thoughts quite eloquently.
Instead, I indulge my pregnancy cravings by carrying a baby for someone else. Gestational surrogacy is becoming increasingly common in our society, yet it remains a bit of a mystery to many. While I love discussing what it involves, there are a few inquiries that can leave a hormonal surrogate feeling a bit frazzled.
1. How can you possibly give up a baby you’ve carried for 9 months? That’s so cruel!
Let’s think about this for a second—are you worried your long-time babysitter might kidnap your child? Probably not! (If you are, it’s time to reconsider your childcare arrangements.) Most reputable agencies require surrogates to have at least one child of their own before they can apply. This ensures they understand the chaos that comes with newborns and aren’t under any illusions. Surrogates do bond with the baby, much like a caring babysitter would. However, we go into surrogacy fully aware that this little one isn’t ours to keep. Plus, witnessing the joy on the parents’ faces when they meet their baby makes it easy to hand them over.
2. But seriously, won’t you feel like it’s your baby?
Nope! Since the baby isn’t genetically related to me, I won’t feel that way. The embryos are created by the intended parents or donors, and the baby is placed in my womb through IVF. It’s not like I’m sharing a romantic evening with the intended father—this isn’t the old-fashioned route! You don’t give a surrogate baby up; you simply return them.
3. Isn’t surrogacy just for rich women and celebrities who want to avoid gaining weight?
If such parents exist, they’re definitely the exception. Most people who choose surrogacy are everyday folks who have faced challenges in expanding their families. This includes gay couples, heterosexual couples, single dads, older couples, and those dealing with unexplained infertility. There are women who nearly lost their lives during childbirth or those who have had to undergo surgeries due to health issues. The common goal is to build a family.
4. How much do they pay you? You must be rolling in dough!
How much do you earn these days? What are your political beliefs? Can I snag a bite of your sandwich or your social security number? Asking about compensation is generally considered rude. The short answer is “not nearly enough.” Medical expenses are covered by the intended parents, and most gestational surrogates receive some form of pre-birth support for carrying the baby. However, unlike typical babysitters, there’s not really a fair price tag for morning sickness, stretch marks, insomnia, and labor pains. Trust me, no one goes into surrogacy for the financial gain.
5. Why don’t they just adopt?
Surprisingly, this question often comes from those who have their own biological children. So, why didn’t you adopt? Why not choose from that mythical clearance bin of babies? The truth is, that bin doesn’t exist, and the adoption process can be long and heartbreaking. Some parents wish to see a piece of their own legacy continue. They have every right to hope their child inherits their grandmother’s smile or their father’s eyes. A gestational surrogate simply helps make that possible.
Surrogacy is undeniably a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Rest assured, after all is said and done, and that sweet baby is nestled in their parents’ arms, tears will flow. These tears won’t be out of regret; they’ll be tears of joy at witnessing the miracle we helped create. We’ll cry because this incredible journey has come to an end. And once those intense post-partum hormones settle down, we’ll likely find ourselves eager to do it all over again.
For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from WomensHealth.gov. And if you’re curious about surrogacy and want to learn more, consider visiting Make a Mom for valuable information. You can also find further details on Intracervical Insemination.
Summary:
In this article, I share the five most outrageous questions I’ve received as a gestational surrogate. From misconceptions about bonding with the baby to assumptions about financial gain, I clarify the realities of surrogacy. This journey is one filled with challenges but ultimately leads to the beautiful moment when a parent holds their child for the first time.