When I was a child, summer vacations meant one simple instruction from my parents: “Go outside and play.” Fast forward to today, and if I tried that with my kids, they’d drive me absolutely bonkers. Instead, I find myself pouring over schedules and spending a small fortune—yes, thousands of dollars—on activities to keep them engaged, entertained, and out of my hair during the sweltering summer months.
The choices are endless: from sculpting and swimming to sailing, science experiments, and even Irish dancing. While I do want my kids to be well-rounded, I can’t help but wonder: Where are the camps that cater to my sanity? Sure, a macaroni necklace is cute, but let’s be honest.
That’s when I had an epiphany: Fantasy Camps! Here’s the brochure for my dream camp. I’m giving this idea away for FREE to anyone who wants to make it happen—just promise me two spots.
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Yes, Mom: In this week-long camp, your kids will discover that “Yes, Mom” isn’t just a phrase; it’s the magic key you want to hear when you ask for help. Kids will incur fines for using phrases like “in a minute” or “why meee?” This camp is wildly popular, so sign up early!
CAMP NOTES: Healthy snacks provided. Grumbling campers will be sent next door to Shut Up and Eat It. -
Shut Up and Eat It: By the end of this grueling week, your child will gain a newfound respect for the meal you’ve prepared. They’ll learn about the grocery list you slaved over, the time spent searching for a parking spot, and the effort to create a colorful plate.
Motto: “It’s hot, it’s here, it’s edible—so just Shut Up and Eat It.”
CAMP NOTES: Prerequisite: Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me. -
Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me: This hands-on camp teaches the essential art of nonverbal communication. Extended day options will cover eye-rolling, door-slamming, and the dramatic sighs we all know too well.
CAMP NOTES: Campers not showing improvement will be reassigned to Yes, Mom. -
Bathroom Skills 101: This camp tackles the basics: changing the toilet paper roll, rinsing toothpaste, and yes, flushing the toilet.
CAMP NOTES: Given the depth of material, this is a two-week camp. A 10% discount is available for kids enrolled in Yes, Mom and Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me. -
Don’t Step Over It; PICK IT UP!: Day one introduces kids to the magical concept that their mess doesn’t disappear by itself. This camp teaches them how to handle the laundry, wet towels, and the remote that seems to have a mind of its own.
CAMP NOTES: Kids often dread this camp, so register quickly for those moments you need a good consequence! -
Be Nice to Your Sibling: Essentially a week of negotiation and gentle persuasion—think of it as free babysitting.
CAMP NOTES: Good luck!
New camps are being added weekly, and we welcome custom requests to create the perfect camp for you and your kids!
Special Note: Due to popular demand, husbands can now join any of our camps too!
For more parenting insights, check out our post on home insemination kits here. Also, for a comprehensive guide on the topic, visit Make A Mom and Johns Hopkins for excellent pregnancy resources.
In summary, summer camps don’t just have to be for kids; they can be a creative way for moms to reclaim some sanity while teaching essential life skills to their children.