I owe you all an apology.
To the partner who captured my heart during carefree days, to my two incredible little ones who fill my life with joy, to my supportive family who keeps everything running smoothly, and to my friends whom I haven’t been the best to lately: I’m truly sorry.
I’m sorry for raising my voice.
I’m sorry for being short-tempered.
I’m sorry for my negativity.
I’m sorry for not being the fun person I used to be.
I’m sorry for letting tears take over.
I’m sorry for missing the silver linings.
I’m sorry for the lack of laughter.
There are moments—like after changing yet another diaper or losing sleep worrying over a child—when the stress can feel overwhelming. It’s tough to find humor after running out of medicine, forgetting an important appointment, or dealing with a toddler’s refusal to eat. Answering the same question a thousand times while nursing a headache can drain all the joy from a day.
I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior. My son, Leo, is two, and my daughter, Emma, is nine months today. I’m no longer a “new mom,” yet I still feel lost in this journey of motherhood. I’m still trying to figure it out, still trying to navigate the complexities of parenting, and yes, I still mess up frequently.
I acknowledge that the tired, distracted, and sometimes irritable person you see now isn’t who I envisioned being. I miss being the person who could bring a smile to your face with my antics, the one who didn’t shy away from fun, who made you laugh as if nothing else mattered. I long to be that confident individual who believed everything would work out in the end. The one who had the energy and creativity to make life delightful.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll find that version of myself again one day.
But for now, she feels far away. She’s been replaced by the mom who battles fatigue and anxiety, who occasionally just craves a little break, and who still stumbles when it matters most.
So please, be patient with me. Share a smile, crack a joke, and try to make me laugh. I might not deserve your kindness, but I would be grateful for your companionship during this challenging time. I know that other version of me will return.
For those navigating similar circumstances, consider checking out this insightful post on navigating motherhood or exploring resources like CDC’s infertility FAQs for more information. If you’re looking for reliable at-home insemination tools, Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kits are worth a look.
In summary, I’m reaching out to express my heartfelt apologies to my loved ones for the changes that come with motherhood. I’m still learning and growing, and I appreciate your understanding and support as I navigate this journey.
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