Did you think your dating days were over once you found your forever partner? Think again! Welcome to the unique experience of hitting “third base” with your mom friend, where the bases are more about life’s chaos than romance.
So, you’ve reached third base. Brace yourself—it’s about to get real. This is not the place for anyone pretending to have it all together. Even if you can maintain a decent front for a couple of hours, once you hit third base, your kids will spill the beans before you can say, “Welcome to my home.” Your little ones will be in their element, behaving like they do at home, which means your friend will witness the true dynamic of your household and how you handle—or fail to handle—it all. Yikes!
If that doesn’t send shivers down your spine, let me share a recent third-base encounter I had. Surprisingly, everything was going well until we encountered a little bump in the road.
My friend’s toddler decided to have a rather explosive moment in the upstairs bathroom, utilizing an entire roll of toilet paper in the process. As she strolled out, completely ignoring the hand-washing protocol, I walked in to find a toilet overflowing with what can only be described as a disaster. I did what any responsible hostess would do—I promptly walked out, pretending I was blissfully unaware of the chaos unfolding.
Meanwhile, I heard my own child wailing from the downstairs bathroom. When I rushed in, I was greeted by a smell that could only be described as a toxic bomb. As I bent down to assist my daughter, she looked up and said, “I’m sorry, Mommy.” I assured her that there was no need to apologize; after all, everyone poops, right? Then I helped her off the potty, only to discover that she had turned herself into a “paintbutt,” smearing the evidence all over the bathroom. My only response was a strained, “How?!”
As she washed her hands, I swiftly disposed of the soiled clothes, completely overwhelmed by the thought of my friend relaxing upstairs on my couch, potentially oblivious to our bathroom crisis. After cleaning up the mess, I whisked my little “Poopie Monster” upstairs for a soak, because some things just need a good soak to come off.
With a fresh outfit and a quick round of hand-washing, I returned to the couch, trying to maintain the illusion of normalcy while chatting with my friend about our daily lives. Did I mention she was from out of town? She had no idea what my daily chaos looked like and might now think I spend all my days knee-deep in toddler poop.
Then, in a twist of fate, my husband emerged from the bathroom. He had managed to tackle the clogged toilet while my friend remained blissfully unaware—until now, that is.
After my friend’s crew departed, another mom dropped by with her bunch of kids. You might be wondering what kind of mom “Casanova” I am, but hey, my charm and toilet shenanigans seem to attract them! When she asked where the bathroom was, I braced myself. Sure enough, she returned with news of a near-miss with poop on the seat. Apparently, my second child had decided to leave a parting gift in between playdates. It’s safe to say that embarrassment is a feeling I attempted to experience but ultimately failed at.
The next day, I discovered dried remnants of the previous day’s adventures on our banister. Ah, the joys of third base! Not every visit is this messy, but in our case, it definitely leans towards the chaotic side.
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In summary, reaching third base with your mom friends can be messy, chaotic, and downright hilarious. It’s an unfiltered glimpse into real life, complete with toddler antics and unexpected surprises. But hey, that’s what makes these friendships so special!