Updated: Dec. 12, 2016
Originally Published: April 13, 2014
DING! It’s hard to tell which notification just pinged my phone amidst the cacophony of “Monster Math Squad” and the rhythmic tapping of my fingers on the keyboard. What I do know is that my to-do list has exploded to epic proportions, and I only have the time to tackle about three and a half of those tasks before the evening bus arrives, bringing home my 12- and 13-year-olds. Then it’s straight to homework, dinner prep, bath time, bedtime, and of course, refereeing the kids’ squabbles along the way. If I’m fortunate and motivated enough, I might even manage to sneak in a warm bite to eat and a hug or kiss from my husband when he returns from his job.
“Mommy, do you need to check your emails?” sings my adorable four-year-old, his eyes wide with curiosity. Bless him. He probably knows more about iPhone notifications than anyone else I know. If only he could respond to them.
When I made the decision to work from home, I thought it was the best idea ever. “What’s not to love?” I told my blissfully unaware self three years ago. I could pursue a career I’m passionate about, earn a paycheck, stay with my little ones, set my own hours, and be available whenever they needed me—all while keeping my resume active during these precious years. It seemed like the ideal solution!
Let me be crystal clear: working from home is pretty fantastic, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to balance my job and family life, and I cherish every moment with my kids.
However, let me explain why it’s not quite as perfect as it seems. I work from home with a four-year-old. For anyone who has ever tried to complete a task unrelated to children while caring for a toddler or preschooler, I’ve probably said all you need to know.
Initially, I attempted to create a home office in a spare bedroom. “YES!” I thought. “I’ll set up my workspace away from the TV and the kids, where I can focus and really get things done.” That plan lasted about a month. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t manage to carve out more than thirty minutes at a time without being interrupted, and meaningful progress is impossible in such short bursts. I didn’t want to leave my toddler unattended for even ten minutes, let alone an hour! So, I told myself I’d work while he napped, played, or watched TV. Spoiler alert: naptime doesn’t last forever, and neither does independent play. Plus, there’s only so much screen time I can justify.
Eventually, I decided to work intermittently throughout the day while juggling household chores and spending quality time with my little one. I figured I’d save the bulk of my real work for after everyone went to bed.
Fast forward to now: I haven’t had a real date with my pillow before 2 or 3 a.m. in over a year—often, it’s closer to 4 a.m., and sometimes I’m still awake when the birds start chirping. I survive on caffeine, nicotine, and Google Drive. I can’t recall the last time I had a decent stretch of sleep because my husband needs to rise early for his “real” job. We do manage to hire babysitters for date nights, but I genuinely miss going to bed together. No matter what, it’s comforting to not be the only one waking up as the sun rises while everyone else is getting ready for their day.
And let’s not forget the friends, family, and neighbors who assume that working from home means I have endless free time. Here are some classics:
- “What do you do all day?”
- “Why do you stay up so late?”
- “Can’t you just do that tomorrow?”
- “If I were home all the time, my house would be spotless!”
- “I wish I could sleep in as late as you!”
- “It must be nice to work in your pajamas!” (Okay, I’ll admit—this last one is pretty sweet.)
My kids often wonder why I’m dressed up and wearing makeup, and my response is that I have a video conference and I prefer not to look like the “before” picture in a makeover ad.
Working from home isn’t some clever euphemism for lounging around at home with the kids while collecting a paycheck. If you want to get paid, you must actually produce real work, just like in any “real” job. I put in the effort, I earn my money, and it takes time and dedication to get things done. Just because I don’t commute to an office or punch a time clock doesn’t mean that I’m not contributing to society. And my unconventional sleeping hours don’t diminish my work ethic either (Do people criticize night shift workers? I’ve never understood that).
I could go on and on, but the truth is that while it may seem like the best of both worlds, I often feel as though I’m falling short somewhere. I can’t devote myself completely to my child because work demands my attention, and I can’t fully engage with my work due to my child’s needs. Both require my focus when the dryer buzzes, or we risk a towel shortage at bath time! I’m constantly on the clock. While I do feel like I’m neglecting something in this chaotic life, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I thrive on the chaos and would be lost without it.
Oh, wait. Yes, I would know exactly what to do with downtime: sleep. That heavenly state that rhymes with “heaven” and tastes like cotton candy. I’ll get around to that eventually, but for now, it’s nearly dawn—time to wake everyone up for work and school, start breakfast, and throw in some laundry before I finally call it a night. Or, um, morning. Whichever!
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Summary
Working from home has its perks, like flexibility and the ability to be with family, but it also presents unique challenges—especially when balancing work with the demands of young children. The chaos can be overwhelming, yet it’s a fulfilling chaos that many parents wouldn’t trade for the world.