When I discovered I was expecting twin daughters, overwhelming joy washed over me. We already had a wonderful son who was nearly two, and I had always envisioned having twin girls. I even entertained the idea that I might have a twin sister somewhere out there, waiting to be found.
However, alongside that joy came a wave of anxiety. Research indicates that daughters of women with eating disorders face an 11-fold increased risk of developing similar issues. Although I have largely overcome my lifelong battle with anorexia, the thought of potentially influencing my girls’ perceptions of body image and food filled me with dread. I refuse to allow that to happen.
To my daughters, I make these commitments:
I promise that when we gather around the mirror, I will focus on whether you have food stuck in your teeth or if your dress is tucked into your underwear, not on your weight—or even my own.
I promise that at the dinner table, I will share a meal with you. My plate will not consist solely of steamed broccoli while yours is overflowing with pasta. We will enjoy food together, engage in conversations about it, and remember that food is not our adversary.
I promise to emphasize that your bodies are capable of extraordinary things, and regardless of their shape, they will always be strong and beautiful.
I promise that when discussing other women, we will approach those conversations with kindness and respect. We will talk about body image without using derogatory terms. Comparisons to others, especially between you two, will be off-limits.
I promise to shield you from the negative words of others. When someone makes hurtful remarks, we will acknowledge them, and I will comfort you without letting those comments define your self-worth. You will have my unwavering support, even if I feel the urge to confront those who speak poorly of you.
I promise that when life challenges arise, I will resist the instinct to retreat into unhealthy habits, such as restricting my food intake or hiding from reality. I will remind myself that the control I might feel over my weight is not worth the potential harm I could cause you.
If you ever express a desire to diet, I will be here to discuss it openly. I may feel alarmed at the thought of anorexia encroaching upon my beloved daughters, but I will remain calm and focused on finding healthy solutions together.
I promise that scales will have no place in our home. Your worth will never be determined by a number on a device.
I promise that when I struggle with my own body image—feeling frustrated about my stomach, arms, or thighs—I will keep those feelings to myself. You will not hear me voice these insecurities.
One day, I will share my story with you. I will explain how my college years are a blur due to malnourishment and starvation. I will show you photographs from times when I was unwell, with hair falling out and skin stretched tightly over bones. I will share the story of my hospitalization and how my family feared for my survival, hoping you will understand why I am determined to prevent a similar fate for you.
I promise that the battles I have faced with anorexia over the past two decades will remain mine, not yours. I am fighting this struggle on my own, and I will keep it from affecting you.
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In summary, I am committed to breaking the cycle of eating disorders in our family. By fostering a healthy relationship with food and body image, I hope to empower my daughters to embrace their bodies and live fulfilling lives free from the struggles I faced.