For those just starting out, it’s perfectly fine to think of Vipassana as simply a way to sit quietly with your eyes closed. There are no chants, no specific hand gestures, and you don’t need to prance around as they do at zen centers or bow to a cup of tea. No fancy attire required! After your session, there might be a talk from someone, but you can choose to leave, nod in appreciation and tell them they’re brilliant (they probably won’t take it to heart), or just head home and poke fun at them. It’s all up to you!
Reason #1 to Be Wary: The Reality of Mortality
It’s not uncommon for people to express fear about meditation, and honestly, they have good reason to. Many folks who meditate are, well, older. You can’t attend a Vipassana session and deny that one day you’ll sport white hair, maybe some ear fuzz, and a face resembling a well-loved apple doll! The Vipassana experience serves as a stark reminder that the Grim Reaper is indeed on his way, and you might just find yourself waiting for him in your comfy red socks and corduroys, mouth breathing like there’s no tomorrow.
And let’s be real—you might even doze off in your chair during meditation and tumble to the floor. The good news? You’ll probably just keep meditating. (Trust me, I’ve seen it happen three times now! A different person each time, and it’s not a sign of a bigger issue—just a quirky part of the experience!)
Reason #2 to Be Wary: The Jerks
Many people embark on their meditation journey in search of peace. However, it’s worth noting that some individuals—like yours truly—might meditate and still be, well, not-so-nice. Meditation doesn’t magically transform these folks into saints; in fact, it can lead to some rather amusing conflicts.
Take, for instance, the time I arrived a bit late for a session. A newbie came in right behind me, and as we hurriedly took off our coats, she whispered, “Can we just slip into the other room, even if it’s started?” I flashed her a reassuring smile and nodded. But there was another person in the foyer who scowled and said, “It’s disruptive.” Sure, technically she was right, but let’s be honest—it wasn’t a huge deal.
The new gal glanced between us, clearly torn, and I simply said, “I’m going in.” The scowling woman shrugged, but hers felt like a judgmental “Go ahead and be a terrible person.”
Of course, my tardiness was my fault, and the guy who fell out of his chair later didn’t plan that mishap. But it does highlight that you might encounter someone at meditation who is eager to showcase their moral superiority. And in my case, they’re usually spot on!
Reason #3 to Be Wary: The Sounds
The quietness of meditation can be downright terrifying! Especially after dinner, when you can hear the tiniest of sounds—like someone’s stomach gurgling or a soft burp. It’s almost like you can hear their body processing food!
On my last visit, the woman next to me decided to unzip her bag and unwrap some trendy mints. I opened my eyes to see what kind of person would do this during meditation. She poured a handful into her mouth, and let me tell you, I could hear her tongue working overtime, the mints clacking against her teeth, and the salivation process was so vivid I almost felt like I could draw a lifelike portrait of her mouth by the time she finished.
So yes, if you’re considering meditation, be prepared for these quirks. But remember, you don’t need to excel or even enjoy it. The main goal is to just sit still for a bit. Once you acclimate, you might find that sitting silently in a room full of strangers can be as thrilling as a low-cost Ecstasy experience—minus the next-day regret!
It’s amusing that Vipassana means “to see things as they truly are,” yet we often perceive reality as cumbersome. Perhaps it’s time to give reality a little more credit, don’t you think?