Dear little one,
I haven’t shared this with many, but there was another baby before you—the first chapter of my journey into motherhood. Back then, life was a whirlwind, and I wasn’t ready to care for him. So, I made the heart-wrenching decision to let him go to a family who could give him the love and stability he deserved. It felt like I was saying goodbye to a piece of my heart, knowing he would never truly be mine.
As I carried him, I often told myself that he belonged with me. But deep down, I understood that he would belong to another family, and I would only be his birth mother. He wouldn’t call my name or seek comfort in my arms. He would grow up with someone else as his mom, and I would be just a memory.
In the midst of the hospital chaos, I caught a glimpse of him for a fleeting moment, and my heart instantly connected with his. This little soul had been a part of me for so long, and now, he was here, gazing at me with those eyes that had once been nurtured within me. He was my best friend during those lonely nights when I felt sad. But now, I had to let him go and share him with another woman who would be there for all the milestones—kissing scrapes, rolling her eyes at his shenanigans, and holding him close during scary times. I couldn’t help but feel envious of her.
What if he thought I didn’t care? What if he believed I only wanted him for the physical connection? The truth was, I loved him so much that I wanted him to have the best life possible, even if it meant letting him go. Since that day, I’ve thought about him constantly. What is he doing now? Will I ever see him again?
Fast forward six years, and here you are, my darling! You’ve just entered this world, and I’m marveling at your precious eyes—the same ones that grew inside me. You came to me through a series of fortunate choices, unlike the circumstances surrounding your big brother.
With him, love was bittersweet, a desperate yearning that tore my heart in two. But now, I can hold you close and truly be your mom. I get to laugh at your antics, guide you when you misbehave, and snuggle you when you feel scared. Both of you hold a special place in my heart, but you are the one I can keep and raise.
You will live with me, and I will cherish every moment, worrying whether you’re warm enough, staying safe, and making good choices. I will strive to be the best mom I can be, guiding you through life. You’ve redeemed my spirit as a mother, and I hope that one day, you might get to meet your brother.
Life has a funny way of weaving our stories together, and I can’t wait to see where yours leads. If you’re curious about the ins and outs of home insemination, check out this resource at Intracervical Insemination. Also, for more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, Progyny is an excellent resource. And if you want to explore options for at-home insemination kits, here’s a great link to check out.
In summary, this journey of motherhood is filled with love, sacrifice, and hope. Each child brings their own story and connection, and I am grateful for the chance to embrace you in my life.