The whole idea of “phases” in parenting has never really resonated with me. My little one just hit the big 6, and let’s just say that the five-year mark was nothing short of a rollercoaster for both of us. I was sure that when September rolled around and he celebrated his birthday, some miraculous transformation would occur, putting an end to his Frustrating Fives. Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen. In fact, his behavior has been anything but improved lately, which is a real bummer because, wow, he’s been driving me up the wall.
I feel a bit guilty saying this (but not too guilty, since I’m writing it down), but kids can be incredibly annoying. Right now, my son is beyond annoying. He’s bouncing off the walls, whining about everything, arguing back, and talking nonstop. There’s never a moment of peace—he’s either unhappy or just wanting more of something, which is really testing my patience. It’s making me a little crazy. And while I’m not a fan of the whole “phase” concept, I desperately hope this is just a brief stage in his life. It has to be, right?
Why Do I Have Such an Aversion to the Idea of Phases?
For starters, there are just too many of them. They remind me of those trendy neighborhoods in New York City that real estate agents try to sell with catchy names to hike up the rent, when in reality, they’re just a few familiar blocks rebranded. The term “phase” often gets applied to any period when your child is acting out in a new, frustrating way. From the Terrible Twos to the Threenager phase and let’s not forget the Fearsome Fours—every age gets a label that, if not outright excuses, at least tries to rationalize bad behavior.
“It’s normal at this age!”
“He’ll grow out of it!”
“Mine did the same thing.”
I totally get why we cling to this concept. Even though I’m not a fan, I find myself using it too, for the same reasons as everyone else: it’s just easier. Dismissing a child’s worst behavior as merely a “phase” is a convenient way to avoid facing your parenting responsibilities. You can kick back with a glass of wine, knowing that your little troublemaker will eventually move on to the next irritating stage. Just relax because there’s nothing you can do about it!
It’s comforting to attribute your child’s sudden bad mood or frequent meltdowns to a common experience that all parents go through, rather than confronting the reality that your child might need guidance, discipline, or your attention to navigate through their challenges. Nobody wants to label their kid as a brat, and phasing gives parents a way to hide that possibility.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“This too shall pass.”
“It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
“It’s just a phase.”
A phase can be a comforting wish when you’re looking for a way to justify your child’s annoying behavior, allowing you to avoid the harder truths about genetics, parenting styles, or your little one’s personality. Sometimes, kids genuinely go through typical growing pains, just like every other 2-, 3-, or 4-year-old. But sometimes it might be a reflection of your genes, your parenting, or their unique temperament. And in those cases, something beyond just pouring another drink needs to be done. Because, let’s face it, it’s not always just a phase.
The challenge lies in figuring out which situation you’re dealing with. For more insights into parenting and child behavior, check out this related article.
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In summary, while parenting can feel like an endless cycle of phases, it’s essential to recognize when it might be more than just a passing moment. Understanding your child and their behavior is crucial as you navigate these challenging times.