I had my heart set on a natural childbirth. We took all the right hypnobirthing classes, visited midwives, and I binge-watched documentaries on the topic. No early cord cutting for me! No pitocin! Absolutely no epidural! I was determined to embrace my inner warrior.
But then, my little one decided to have a surprise party in the womb—complete with a poop incident. He went into distress, his heart rate plummeted—like a dramatic movie scene—and I found myself in the operating room for an emergency C-section. Now, don’t get me wrong; I know many women opt for C-sections, and some handle it like pros. But I was completely blindsided by my reaction. I hadn’t prepared for the reality of recovering from major surgery or the feelings that came with it. The perfect birth I envisioned crumbled, and I was left grappling with how I felt after my first child entered the world.
A few days post-birth, the congratulatory messages began to flood in. Friends without kids offered the standard responses: “Congratulations!” “Great job, Mama!” “You’re doing amazing!” Friends with children, however, shared sentiments like: “Did you ever think you could love something so deeply?” “This love you’re feeling will only grow!” “Welcome to the most incredible journey of your life!”
I was left wondering—what was wrong with me? Why didn’t I feel that overwhelming love? Was I some sort of wild animal that was supposed to eat its young? After years of trying for this moment, was I not maternal after all?
When I looked into my son’s tiny eyes, I didn’t see the blissful connection everyone else talked about. Instead, I saw a little being who seemed indifferent to me, someone I couldn’t quite figure out how to please. Plus, he was wreaking havoc on my body. Cue the tears. I cried—oh, did I cry. Every day felt like a new wave of disappointment. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I had always wanted a child; why was I not happier?
Weeks passed, and slowly the fog began to lift. The tears dried up, and I emerged from my postpartum slump. When I shared my experience with other mothers, many revealed they felt the same way after giving birth. It struck me—why hadn’t anyone warned me about this? I had no idea that not every woman feels joy immediately after childbirth. Many are simply overwhelmed, and that’s perfectly normal.
There seems to be only two narratives for new moms: the glowing maternal goddess or the one teetering on the edge of a breakdown. But what about all the complexities in between? Expecting mothers deserve to hear the full spectrum of experiences. I get it—pregnant women are emotional, hormonal, and scared to death. No one wants to add to their anxiety. But guess what? A new mom is still navigating those waters, just with a little one who relies on her for everything. We need to have honest conversations about what to expect. Let’s break it down for the sisterhood!
“Make sure to catch a movie. I haven’t been to one since my son was born. Enjoy dinner with your partner. Oh, and sleep—lots of it. Like, 18 hours a day if you can swing it! Start moisturizing your nipples now because after just a day of breastfeeding, they’ll be chapped and cracking. Treat yourself to a pedicure, a manicure, and a haircut. Have sex while you still can—trust me, it’ll be a long time before you feel like it again. Do you have a photo of your pre-pregnancy belly? You’ll want to remember what it used to look like before that little flap of skin became a new accessory. Yes, it can be a bit gross. And binge-watch your favorite shows now, because once the baby arrives, you’ll be too paranoid to do anything that might harm their developing brain. Oh, and get your partner used to touching your breasts now; after a year of breastfeeding, you might not want him anywhere near them! And don’t forget, no one will be giving up their subway seat for you anymore, so maybe take a long ride—perhaps to Queens?”
Okay, maybe that’s not the best advice either. But we can definitely be more open about the realities of new motherhood. It’s scary, isolating, and also incredibly rewarding. It’s a whirlwind of confusion and worth every moment.
If you’re a new mom reading this, be kind to yourself. You just created a human! Well done! Did you ever imagine you could love someone so fiercely? That love will only deepen as you go on. Welcome to this wild ride called parenthood.
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Summary:
The journey into motherhood can be far from what many expect. After her first child, Lily Thompson shares her experience of feeling unprepared for the realities of postpartum life, including the emotional turmoil that can accompany childbirth. She emphasizes the importance of honest conversations about the spectrum of feelings that new mothers may face, encouraging them to be gentle with themselves and recognize that love for their child will grow over time.