As the proud parent of an only child, I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked when I’m planning to add another little one to our family. My daughter just celebrated her fourth birthday, and I often hear that if I take too long, there will be a significant age gap, or that my body will become as dried up as a raisin left in the sun. If I want another kid, I better get busy and “make some noise” in the bedroom—like, yesterday.
Here’s the deal: I don’t want any more kids.
When I tell friends and family that I’m “one and done,” I’m met with looks of shock, as if I’ve committed some heinous crime. “But doesn’t your daughter need a sibling?” they ask. “Isn’t she lonely?” And of course, the classic, “It’s easier with two; they can entertain each other!”
I can’t argue with those points—I’ve pondered them plenty myself. Siblings can be fantastic. I had an older brother who was my hero growing up, and I cherished the hours we spent playing together. I sometimes feel a twinge of sadness when I see siblings embracing and frolicking, wishing my daughter could experience that bond. But having another child just to fulfill that sibling role isn’t enough of a reason for me to take that leap.
Is that selfish? Maybe a little, but it’s also perfectly understandable.
Everyone parents in their own unique way, often shaped by their childhood experiences. My parents both worked, making me a latchkey kid who spent quite a bit of time on my own. My brother, three years older, didn’t see me as his ideal playmate. He had his friends, video games, and books to occupy him, while I often felt more like an afterthought. So while I had a sibling, I often felt lonely despite being surrounded by people.
When my daughter came along, I made a promise to myself to be present with her in a way I didn’t experience growing up. Now, I’m not a helicopter parent hovering over her every move, but I’ve dedicated myself to making our time together meaningful. We co-slept, I breastfed her until she was three, and I carve out ample uninterrupted time for her each day.
While my daughter may not know the camaraderie of growing up with a sibling, she has a unique and strong bond with me and her dad. Some may argue that being the sole focus of our attention makes only children spoiled brats, but I’ve seen the opposite in my daughter. She has a confidence and sense of security that comes from knowing she doesn’t have to compete for our love or affection. From a young age, she understood the importance of sharing, knowing that her friends would eventually leave, and everything would be hers again. This has made her more patient and giving than many of her peers with siblings.
Having just one child has also allowed me to incorporate her into my life rather than depending on childcare. There’s a certain freedom that comes with managing life with one kid. We spend quality time together because she accompanies me to classes, meetings, and social events. This exposure to adults has helped her develop impressive language skills and a broad range of knowledge thanks to our one-on-one interactions.
While being part of a big family is special, there’s also immense joy in a smaller one. The other day, my daughter asked when I would put a baby in my tummy so she could have a sister. My heart raced as I prepared to answer. “Well,” I said, “I love our life just the way it is and don’t want to change it. Is that okay?” She thought for a moment and then wrapped her arms around me. “Yes, Mommy, that’s okay. I’m happy too!”
For those considering family planning, you might find useful resources on pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC. And if you’re looking for guidance on artificial insemination, check out this comprehensive at-home insemination kit.
Summary:
Choosing to have only one child is a deeply personal decision that comes with its own set of joys and challenges. As a parent, being present and committed can create a unique bond that is just as fulfilling as sibling relationships. While it’s natural to wonder about the benefits of having siblings, it’s essential to focus on what feels right for your family.