I will always remember that significant day when the new Costco opened in our city. The line that morning seemed endless, stretching far beyond the entrance, almost reaching the nearby hardware store. Excited shoppers eagerly clutched their wallets, practically buzzing with anticipation—it was as if a celebrity was inside, ready to sign autographs.
I was among those waiting. With four growing children at home and rumors swirling about a gallon of milk costing less than $2.00, I was definitely in line, ready to dive in headfirst.
When the doors finally opened, the crowd surged forward, and everything after that is a bit of a blur. I can’t recall precisely what I bought that day, but I can say this: something within me shifted forever. Almost a decade later, I remain a loyal Costco member, a true companion through both joyous and challenging times. Sure, I’ve had a few breaks in my membership, but each time life improved, I was back, renewal form in hand, ready to pay that $55 for the privilege of finding avocados at a bargain price.
I have fully embraced the Costco lifestyle, my friends. Have you? Here are some signs that you’ve joined the ranks of fellow enthusiasts:
- When a Sam’s Club advertisement arrives in your mailbox, you toss it aside with disdain. How did they even get your address? You discard it as if it’s an affront to your loyalty to Costco. Would you dare to betray your beloved warehouse? Absolutely not.
- You’ve found yourself buying intimate apparel at Costco. It may start innocently enough—“Oh, a 3-pack of comfy camisoles? Perfect for lounging!” But soon, you’re standing in front of shapewear, recalling how your current undergarments resemble rags more than anything else. Those shapewear items somehow end up in your cart, nestled between dental treats for your dog and a massive bag of cheese.
- You’ve returned spoiled food items to Costco. In the pre-Costco era, a few bad raspberries or mushy potatoes were something you’d accept. Not anymore. Costco encourages returns, and it takes a true devotee to take advantage of that policy. I remember my first return vividly: I was nervous, handing over a package of fish with live worms in it. The cashier was kind, even explaining that the worms were a sign of freshness. A memorable moment, indeed.
- You order a Costco cake for every occasion, regardless of the guest list size. Even if only six people are coming, there’s always a cake because where else can you find a half-sheet cake at such a price? Of course, this leads to post-event cake binges, where you find yourself finishing it off one bite at a time. Spoiler: day-old Costco cake tastes like guilt.
- You venture to Costco on weekends for non-essential items. It’s one thing to go when you’re running low on toilet paper, but a Saturday trip just to browse? Even the devil would think twice about that, and he’s the one who designed those chaotic parking lots.
- You’ve served your family entire meals made up of impulse buys from Costco. For instance, last weekend, I whipped up three dozen mini-quiches for breakfast. The box claimed they contained “fresh eggs and milk,” so naturally, it was a win.
- You seek out the most entertaining cashier to lighten the checkout experience for your kids. You know the one—charismatic, funny, and always ready with a joke. If there were a comedian working at Costco, he’d be that guy.
- Somewhere in your kitchen lies a jar of coconut oil the size of a small tank. You’re trying to use it up before you discover it’s no longer hailed as a health miracle but rather linked to cellulite and insomnia. Stir-fry, anyone?
- You’re fiercely loyal to Costco, but even you have your limits. You discovered the hard way that the Costco version of a popular soap can be harsh. After one painful experience, you relegated the remaining bars to the bathroom your teenage boys use. That was years ago, and there are still some left.
- Your children have been clamoring for a trip to Disneyland, and you can’t help but think, “Why? Kirkland products are far superior!”
- You’ve nearly suffered an injury thanks to an oblivious shopper engrossed in a phone call, oblivious to their surroundings—almost resulting in an unfortunate collision.
- At some point during your Costco adventures, you’ve misplaced a child only to find them moments later happily munching on a churro in someone else’s cart, singing show tunes.
- You’ve endured the spectacle of strangers stuffing their faces with samples, while you navigate your cart through a crowded sampling area, often resulting in the infamous “sample shower.”
Some experiences cannot be unseen, and this is certainly one of them.
Welcome to the Costco lifestyle. And remember, they close at 6:00 PM on Saturdays.
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Summary:
This article humorously outlines the signs that one has fully embraced the Costco lifestyle, highlighting the quirks and experiences that come with being a dedicated member. From impulsive purchases to unique shopping experiences, it portrays the lighthearted side of Costco devotion.