After visiting several pharmacies, I finally found one willing to fill my son’s prescription. “We have it, but just a heads-up, it’s a controlled substance,” the pharmacist informed me. “You’ll need a handwritten prescription from your doctor each month for refills.” I nodded, tears welling up as I accepted a bottle containing thirty capsules that looked harmless enough. “Any questions?” she asked.
Yes, a million questions raced through my mind. But I simply replied, “No, thank you,” rolled up my car window, and drove away with tears streaming down my cheeks.
During my pregnancy with my son, I was the epitome of caution. I followed every guideline—taking prenatal vitamins, avoiding artificial sweeteners, steering clear of deli meats, and abstaining from alcohol. I craved Thai food and wasabi but only indulged in cooked sushi. I kept my bathwater lukewarm and didn’t touch a single Tylenol. I found comfort in the rules, believing they guaranteed my child’s safety. When he was born healthy, I felt a wave of relief.
Fast forward ten years, and here I was, clutching a bottle of amphetamines with my son’s name on it. Sitting in the Starbucks parking lot, I read through the potential side effects: increased blood pressure, addiction, psychotic symptoms, and sudden death. Overwhelmed, I buried my head in the steering wheel and let it all out.
In our household, we rarely have over-the-counter medications on hand. We don’t even take vitamins! We’re not against medication, but we often toss expired bottles. I obsess over finding the “safest” sunscreen and choose aluminum-free deodorants. I buy organic produce and milk. Generally, I avoid risks, so the idea of giving my child what essentially amounts to speed terrified me.
This is a child I breastfed exclusively for over a year to maintain his gut health. Now, I was about to alter his brain chemistry with medication. What a stark contrast it was from my previous beliefs!
I had so many questions leading to that moment in the parking lot: Is this normal? Why isn’t he happy? Why does school make him miserable? Why is he always angry? How do we help him? After countless nights of tears and desperation, I sought answers everywhere—books, websites, therapists, and doctors. We tried cognitive behavioral therapy and various coping strategies. The truth? The human brain is complicated, and there are no easy answers.
Articles I read left me either terrified or ashamed. I considered alternative schools or homeschooling, but my son wanted stability and to stay with his friends—the people who made him happiest. His teachers adored him and worked closely with us. After years of exploring every other option, we reached a breaking point. It was time to try medication.
We proceeded with great reluctance. How could I give my child a controlled substance and treat it like a normal part of life? No mother envisions medicating her child when they begin their parenting journey. Yet, how could I ignore his struggles? I wanted to do everything possible to ease my little boy’s burdens, to help him smile more and find joy at school, where he excelled academically but felt miserable.
Parenting is a leap of faith. From the moment we hold our newborns to watching them grow, we continuously gather information and make decisions with the best of intentions. There are always uncertainties, but in the end, we must trust ourselves. It’s terrifying; we can’t foresee the outcomes. We may make mistakes—or we may make the right choices. Regardless, we have to keep moving forward.
So, we hold our children’s hands and take a leap.
I can’t yet say if the medication will be the answer or change my son’s life or our family’s dynamic. I can only hope it lifts the weight he carries and allows him to enjoy life more fully. Recently, I’ve noticed glimpses of his former joy, and for the first time in ages, I feel a flicker of hope.
If you want to learn more about home insemination, check out this post or explore Make a Mom for insights into at-home insemination kits. For valuable information on pregnancy and related topics, visit WebMD’s resource.