Before I became a parent, I was constantly told about the profound love I would feel for my children. Friends, family, and even strangers at the grocery store, patting my belly, would say, “There’s nothing like holding your baby!”
Imagine my shock when I finally cradled my daughter and was met with an overwhelming wave of fear instead of that promised love. Would I drop her? Was I ready for this? Did we even pick the right name? What on earth had I gotten myself into, thinking I could raise a tiny human?
Naturally, this fear only compounded my anxiety. Was I a bad mother because I didn’t feel that instant rush of love? Where was that bliss everyone had promised? Perhaps I was broken.
It wasn’t until two weeks later, during a sleepless night filled with my daughter’s cries, that it hit me. As I tearfully pleaded with her to stop, I suddenly found myself chuckling. Here was this little bundle, resembling a mix of her dad and a very confused potato, and I realized she was just as clueless as I was. My fear began to fade.
Fast forward to a well-meaning relative’s comment about how these early years are the “golden stage.” “You’ll miss it when it’s gone,” she chirped. “It was the happiest time of my life!”
I pondered this while knee-deep in toddler tantrums and the ever-present smell of diaper disasters. Sure, my days are packed and meaningful, but happiest time of my life? Not so sure. Admitting that made me worry I was failing somehow. Am I doing it all wrong if I don’t find joy in scrubbing poop out of the carpet?
Parenting books and expert advice flood us with the notion that every problem has a solution. If your little one is biting your arm, just apply some firmness and patience, along with a few handy products available online. Bottom line: if you aren’t happy, it’s your fault, and you must be broken.
Honestly, I wish we could banish the word “happy” from the parenting lexicon. It’s unrealistic to expect perfect joy while raising kids. Life is chaotic, challenging, and sometimes it feels like nothing will improve. Our self-help culture pushes the idea that we can fix everything. But when your potty-training expert doesn’t realize that your child thinks the floor is still a valid option, good luck with that!
No parent who has ever found themselves sobbing on the floor—surrounded by crying kids—is broken. No mom who has looked at her child in sheer panic needs a fix. And if you’ve ever wished for a moment away from the sticky chaos of your home, trust me, you’re not doing it wrong.
What we need instead of parenting manuals that preach perfection are guides that help us embrace the messy reality of parenthood. The joy, anxiety, frustration, and yes, even fear, are all part of the journey.
Because honestly? I’m done with the pressure to be happy all the time.
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Summary:
This article discusses the overwhelming emotions that come with new parenthood, particularly the often unspoken fear instead of the anticipated love. It emphasizes that the pressure to be happy is unrealistic and that embracing the chaos is a more genuine approach to parenting.