If you decide to visit my home unexpectedly, especially during the day while my partner is at work, here’s what you can anticipate from me and my environment. Please be warned: this may be your last visit.
- Shower? What’s that? I may have washed yesterday, but today? Probably not, so keep your distance. And don’t give me that judgmental look; I mean, I might be a bit unkempt.
- My hair will likely be a disheveled mess atop my head, resembling a greasy ball that defies gravity. My 2-year-old loves to imitate me by placing a shiny ball on his head, declaring, “I’m Mama!” It’s amusing, I suppose.
- Expect my arms to be crossed over my chest, as I won’t be wearing a bra. If my child is in my arms, I might hand them over to you and scurry off to rectify the situation.
- Fatigue will be apparent, highlighted by dark circles under my eyes, which you’ll spot immediately since I won’t be wearing any makeup.
- Toys? They’ll be scattered all over the place.
- The aroma will be a distinctive blend of dirty diapers and apple cinnamon air freshener. You’ll likely arrive during or after a chaotic diaper change, or I might be frantically searching for a hidden toddler who had an “accident.” Apologies in advance; it’s less than pleasant for both of us.
- The floor? Sticky—courtesy of my toddler.
- Expect some crying— there’s about a 50/50 chance it’ll be me.
- My kids will likely cling to you as if you’re a rare visitor from another planet.
- There will probably be something simmering in my slow cooker. Without it, we might very well face starvation.
- I’ll likely have a load of laundry in the washer that has been re-washed every morning for the past three days. It’s infuriating, and I genuinely have no clue how it happens since it feels like I’m perpetually doing laundry.
- A pile of laundry will probably be on the couch, which I’ve re-folded at least once a day for the last three days. Toddlers, am I right?
- Sitting on the couch will be nearly impossible. Where there isn’t a pile of unfolded laundry, there will be my little boys jumping around, shouting “Cannonball!”
- I’ll encourage my kids to showcase every new skill they’ve recently acquired. I’m immensely proud of them, and I’ll expect you to feign enthusiasm as well.
- Initially, I may feel a bit embarrassed, but I’ll genuinely be glad to see you. A conversation with someone of similar height is much needed.
- If you happen to bring coffee— iced raspberry white mocha, please—I’ll be even more thrilled.
- I might leave you alone with my children, assuring you I’ll be back shortly. When I do return, I’ll have clean, flower-scented hair, moisturized skin, fresh clothes, and perhaps a renewed perspective on life.
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Summary:
Visiting an unprepared home can reveal a lot about the daily chaos of parenting. Expect disheveled appearances, scattered toys, and a distinct aroma that comes with little ones. However, amidst the mess, there will be joy, laughter, and a chance to connect with someone who truly values your company.