Did you know there are other mothers out there who never intended to take on this role? Meet the moms who find themselves knee-deep in Cheerios and wrestling with gremlins that used to be their children. We’re the ones who often think, “This is why I never wanted kids.”
I had one of those moments today. My little ones were clinging to me like barnacles, tugging at my shirt and wailing because I wouldn’t lift them up while I was wrestling with a pan of bacon. I gripped the spatula tighter, my jaw clenched, and with every fiber of my being, I thought, “This is not how it was supposed to be. This isn’t the life I envisioned. This is why I didn’t want kids.”
Every single day feels like a challenge.
We have friends who always dreamed of motherhood, who speak about it as if they find treasures tucked away in their kids’ diapers instead of remnants of last night’s dinner. We scroll through countless mommy blogs that rave about how fulfilling it is to raise little ones as if it’s all sunshine and rainbows. But we don’t quite fit in that picture. We’re the misfits. The ones who were acutely aware of our own limitations and knew that motherhood might not be the best path for us. We’re the moms who sometimes sit on the floor at night, tears streaming down our faces, worried that because our kids were unexpected, we’re somehow messing them up.
And yet, here we are.
Maybe it was a mishap with birth control, or maybe it was a passionate moment—whatever the reason, now we find ourselves doing late-night feedings, wrangling screaming toddlers, and scrubbing messes off the carpet, all while that nagging voice in our heads repeats, “This is why I didn’t want children.”
I’m not here to give you ten tips on how to enjoy your kids during tough times. I won’t scold you for having what some might call a selfish thought.
Instead, I want to remind you that it’s perfectly okay.
It’s completely valid that you never wanted kids to begin with. It doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you any less of a woman—it simply makes you honest.
It’s okay that you don’t relate to other moms who had meticulously planned their families down to the last detail. You don’t have to feel ashamed that your child wasn’t part of a well-laid-out life plan.
It’s also okay to feel unprepared and find yourself frantically Googling, “Is it normal for my child to do ‘x’?” while your friends seem to have had their nursery theme picked out since childhood.
Asking for help is perfectly acceptable. No one is Super Mom, and every mother needs a breather. Some of us might just require more time away and perhaps longer breaks to navigate through the days, weeks, and months of a life we didn’t choose.
Most importantly, it’s vital to share your story. There are far more mothers who never wanted this role than you might think. We need to hear your fears and struggles so we can feel less isolated in this strange world of motherhood. We need to know someone else understands that voice in our head saying, “This is why I never wanted kids.” We need to feel like we’re not alone.
Regardless of how you found your way into parenthood, you’re here now. You don’t have to feel guilty for admitting it can be tough—we get it. You don’t have to hide from your story of how you arrived at this point. We understand. And you certainly don’t need to follow your complaints with, “But I love my kids.”
We know. And guess what? Your kids know it too.
If you’re interested in learning more about a journey into parenthood, check out this fantastic resource on pregnancy week by week. Also, if you’re considering alternative paths to parenthood, take a look at this at-home insemination kit from Make A Mom for expert guidance.
In summary, being a mother is challenging, especially for those of us who never planned to be in this role. It’s okay to admit that it’s hard, and it’s important to share our experiences with others who might feel the same.