Updated: August 3, 2016
Originally Published: September 26, 2013
I used to think my feelings were just part of the norm; they didn’t seem right, though. Life felt unfulfilling. I often found myself questioning if I would spend my days married to someone I had lost all interest in. Would I be better off flying solo? Then, the unexpected happened—my partner blurted out, “I want to separate.” Despite the monotony, the dissatisfaction, and the chaos, I was heartbroken. I was furious. And then I was furious some more!
But deep down, I knew fighting was futile. After many heart-to-heart talks, it became clear he didn’t have the desire to repair our relationship, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I had the energy to face yet another disappointment from him. Trying to rebuild felt daunting, and I questioned if I even wanted to.
Every day is a challenge as I grapple with the fallout. I’ve cycled through the five stages of grief, and oddly enough, they mirror the five stages of divorce quite well. The only difference? Shame. That emotion is not helpful at all, yet it’s ever-present when your family life begins to crumble.
When the fracture in my marriage widened into a gaping chasm, light suddenly shone on all the issues I had been blind to. We weren’t just in a rut; we had completely neglected our relationship and each other. It turned out we were so far apart that we couldn’t even recognize what was wrong anymore.
For ages, I believed we were great friends but lacked chemistry. I thought we were partners! But caught up in my own busyness, fatigue, and mental health struggles, I had retreated into my own world. While I was busy, he found someone else to confide in, nurturing a bond with her that had long been absent from our marriage.
Realizing we weren’t lovers—or even partners—was a hard pill to swallow. It was disheartening to discover that we couldn’t even be friends. We still share the same living space, tiptoeing around each other, grappling with anger and disappointment. We need to find a way to be at least civil, but for now, we’re just trying to piece together the shattered remnants of what once was.
As I traverse this unexpected journey, I’ve come to understand that we don’t talk enough about the struggles of being newly separated and the myriad of challenges that come with it. So, let’s dive into this topic a bit more!
This article was originally published on September 26, 2013.
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In summary, being newly separated is a complex emotional journey filled with confusion, anger, and moments of clarity. It’s a process that requires time and understanding, both of oneself and the changing dynamics of relationships.