It can feel nice to be acknowledged and admired by men and even other women. Many of us desire to be seen and appreciated for our beauty. However, there’s a fine line between admiration and objectification.
Throughout my life, from as early as middle school, I’ve been “seen” by men in ways that made me uncomfortable. I remember a day in sixth grade when I was riding my bike, and an older man in a truck whistled at me, then made a lewd gesture with his mouth. At the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but I felt a deep sense of discomfort. Such encounters have been a constant, almost weekly occurrence, as if some men believe our existence is solely for their enjoyment.
This notion is not just troubling; it’s infuriating. Over the years, I’ve learned to avoid eye contact with these men and pretend their crude remarks don’t bother me. After finishing high school, I faced sexual abuse multiple times, leading me to internalize a troubling belief: that my value to men was limited to my body.
I have often been told that I possess a certain sensuality. In one counseling session, after sharing my painful story of being raped, my counselor remarked, “Well, you are a very sensual person.” It felt like a blame shift, as if my femininity somehow justified the mistreatment I endured.
No one ever shouts about your intelligence or kindness. It’s always about physicality and what you can provide for them. Recently, I found myself drawn to a married man who seemed genuinely interested in me. At first, it felt nice to be desired after years of focusing solely on motherhood. But once I discovered he was married, the excitement turned sour, echoing the same old story that many women know too well: it’s not about us; it’s about them.
Society often places women in a catch-22. If you’re attractive, you inadvertently invite unwanted attention from inappropriate men. It’s absurd! I put effort into my appearance for myself, enjoying the way I dress and feel, not to earn catcalls or attention from married men.
When I receive unwanted attention, I feel compelled to cover up and hide, as if my beauty warrants shame. Why should I feel guilty for wanting to look nice? It’s frustrating to see that some men are driven by their desires without considering the person behind the beauty.
To the men who think women exist for their pleasure: we are not here for your amusement. Your catcalls don’t flatter us; they repulse us. I refuse to dress in a way that makes me feel ashamed of my body. I don’t want to be your object of desire or your fantasy. My womanhood is not a plaything. My beauty is mine, not something to be claimed by anyone else.
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Summary:
This article discusses the challenges women face with unwanted attention and objectification from men. It highlights the frustration of being seen primarily for physical beauty rather than as whole individuals. The author expresses a desire for recognition beyond mere appearance and emphasizes that women are not here for male pleasure.