In my early twenties, a therapist suggested that my various life challenges could be linked to Attention Deficit Disorder, or ADD. This revelation caught me off guard, as I had never viewed myself as someone who struggled to concentrate.
“I genuinely believe you have ADD. It’s why you find daily tasks challenging,” she remarked. Handing me a questionnaire, she added, “If your score is high enough, your doctor can prescribe Adderall.” She made it sound as if my issues were akin to those of a hyperactive seven-year-old hyped up on candy.
Back home, I approached the questions with sincerity—until I encountered the classic: “Do you have trouble focusing on things that bore you?” Isn’t that the definition of boring? If tedious tasks were enjoyable, they wouldn’t be boring! I abandoned the questionnaire, deciding that getting my life together was more beneficial than ADD assessments and medication.
However, for parents—particularly those who stay at home—Adderall might seem like a cure-all for our endless troubles. Many parents, I believe, share my experience of struggling to engage with the monotonous tasks that fill our days. If we take the questionnaire seriously, it’s plausible that many of us could be diagnosed with what I like to call Parenting Attention Deficit Disorder, or PADD. Here’s hoping it makes it into the next DSM edition!
I’m not saying my focus wanders constantly. I can manage to prepare the seemingly endless meals and snacks for my kids, engage in crayon activities for a solid half hour, and read stories for even longer. But eventually, I find my mind drifting to what adults who aren’t scrubbing macaroni and cheese off the ceiling are up to, leading me to scroll through Facebook. Or sometimes, I’ll catch up on headlines to assist my oldest with her social studies project—“Wait, we have a Black president? Since when?!”
Even when my PADD nudges me toward more stimulating, non-child-related tasks, I still keep an ear open for the kids. It’s crucial I monitor my son to ensure he’s not trying to smother his little sister with affection like Elmyra from Tiny Toons. Most of the time, he’s a great big brother, but at four years old, he’s not exactly equipped to babysit unless you happen to be at a bar or an Indian casino.
The two of them playing together isn’t the best time for a PADD moment, as I discovered recently. When I peeked upstairs and saw my toddler playing with her sister’s dolls while my son sat with his back to me at his desk, I thought everything was fine. Yet, after a quick Twitter break, I returned to find him engaged in a game he dubbed “Cut Everything” with a pair of scissors—a title that was both accurate and alarming.
I confiscated the scissors and we spent what felt like an eternity cleaning up the millions of tiny paper shreds that had exploded everywhere. In an unprecedented moment, I even vacuumed the remnants off my toddler’s clothing while she was still wearing them. (Of course, I had to share that on social media during my next PADD episode.)
I didn’t think about the incident again until my partner came home that evening and asked about the state of our toddler’s hair. “What happened to her beautiful curls?” she questioned.
It hit me then that during those five unsupervised minutes, my son had given his sister an impromptu haircut. Smart as ever, she promptly told on him. When asked if her brother had used scissors, she nodded and said, “Boy. Hair.”
Both of us were caught red-handed.
I fully understand my partner’s frustration with my inattentiveness. We were fortunate that the mishap was just a haircut and not something worse. Since then, I’ve made an effort to stay more alert. I’ve tried to resist the tempting pull of the Internet and the outside world. Yet, maintaining continuous attention is a daunting task.
I don’t think PADD is solely a consequence of our digital age. Parenting has always been chaotic; since the dawn of humankind, there have been parents who overlooked their children while getting lost in the flickering flames of a cave fire instead of attending to their needs. I have proof, too.
When I shared my tale, my son’s preschool teacher chuckled and recounted how her older daughter had once given her younger sister a similar haircut while she was sipping coffee and reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. So, while today’s parents may be distracted by Facebook, past generations dealt with their own versions of PADD too.