Ah, bedtime—the ultimate showdown between toddlers and their parents. By the time your little one hits the age of two, they should be well-versed in the art of stalling. Follow these tried-and-true tactics, and you’ll find yourself delaying bedtime by a solid forty-five minutes. Who knows? You might even end up snacking at midnight, chuckling at terrible SNL sketches, and ordering cozy Slankets from those late-night infomercials!
LESSON ONE: TURN PJS INTO A CHALLENGE
First up, transform changing into pajamas into an Olympic event. Dash around the house like a little whirlwind. If you’re caught, go completely floppy—make yourself feel like a 1,000-pound sack of potatoes. And if they manage to get your clothes off? No sweat! Make a break for it, fully naked and free!
LESSON TWO: A SURPRISING LOVE FOR DINNER
This one works best if you usually reject food. When your parents start the bedtime routine, suddenly express a keen interest in dinner! They’ll be torn between wanting you to sleep and the fear that you might wither away from starvation. Genius, right?
LESSON THREE: THE NEVER-ENDING TOOTHBRUSHING
Tooth brushing can take ages! Ask for more toothpaste, switch toothbrushes on a whim, and keep rinsing your brush under the water for what feels like forever. When your parents think you’re done, declare that your teeth still need a bit more scrubbing. You get the picture!
LESSON FOUR: THE GREAT BLANKET HIDE AND SEEK
Establish a robust collection of “security items”—a favorite blanket, a stuffed buddy, and a sippy cup, of course. An hour before bedtime, hide them around the house. Watch as your parents spend precious time searching for them, fully aware that you won’t sleep a wink without your beloved items!
LESSON FIVE: BOOK SELECTION SCRUTINY
When it’s time for bedtime stories, freeze in front of your bookshelf, paralyzed by choice. Negotiate your book quota: if they agree to two, ask for three. If three is given, push for four! And don’t forget to pick the longest book or one with a gazillion flaps to lift—those take ages!
LESSON SIX: ENGAGE YOUR PARENTS
After a day of ignoring your parents, this is your moment to shine! Flash your biggest smile, pull out every word you know, and initiate a heartwarming conversation. Sing your favorite tune or declare your love. Make it so hard for them to walk away!
LESSON SEVEN: THE FINAL FAREWELL
Once you’re in their arms, your time is running out. You can either try to escape—arching your back and kicking your legs—or simply call out their name as they leave the room. My advice? Just relax. You’ve done a fantastic job, and there’s always tomorrow to refine your skills.
Sleep well, future bedtime stallers!
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In summary, mastering bedtime stalling is a rite of passage for toddlers. By employing these clever tactics, you can extend your bedtime and keep the fun going long into the night.