Every holiday season, I find myself making choices I regret. But this year is different! I’ve resolved to think ahead and avoid the same pitfalls of yesteryear. Here’s my list of things I won’t be doing this Christmas:
- Crafting handmade gifts. Just because they’re infused with love doesn’t mean they should be presented to family (unless they’ve landed themselves on the naughty list).
- Swearing in front of my kids while hanging up the lights. As tempting as it is to unleash my inner Grinch during the great tree vs. lights debate, it’s no excuse to let the expletives fly in front of little ears.
- Leaving my holiday budget spreadsheet open on the computer. It’s just asking for a lecture on overspending during the holiday rush, and trust me, no one enjoys that conversation.
- Gifting my mother-in-law a “Best of New Jersey” calendar in hopes of winning her over. The Rhode Islander in her will likely never see New Jersey as anything but a stretch of highway and smokestacks.
- Attempting to build a gingerbread house with my kids. I mean, who thought icing was a suitable adhesive?
- Investing in educational toys. My storage space is already filled with unopened science kits and math games, and I don’t need any more.
- Counting on my partner to water the Christmas tree. If he can’t remember to feed the dog—an actual living thing—why would I expect him to keep a plant alive?
- Making sugar-free cookies as gifts. Apparently, this is a surefire way to lose friends faster than you can say “sugar substitute.”
- Dropping hints for Christmas gifts. My partner’s grasp of subtlety is virtually nonexistent.
- Wearing a wool turtleneck to Christmas Eve service. If you want to make a long service feel even longer, just try it!
- Waiting until 10 PM on Christmas Eve to search for batteries. A remote control helicopter that doesn’t work on Christmas morning? Major letdown for the kids.
- Leaving my dog alone with Santa’s cookie platter. Enough said!
- Turning off “24 hours of A Christmas Story” at any point on Christmas Day. It just wouldn’t feel right without the endless tales of the Red Ryder BB gun echoing through the house.
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In summary, this holiday season, I’m determined to avoid the common pitfalls of Christmas chaos and focus on what truly matters: family, joy, and a little bit of sanity.