Once my kids warm up to someone, they become little performers. They vie for attention, showcasing their best dances, belting out songs, and proudly displaying their toys while explaining their intricate workings. Their smiles and laughter are nothing short of adorable. I cherish watching them express their joy and affection toward my friends.
However, my children don’t start out that way with new people. They don’t burst forth with enthusiastic greetings or envelop strangers in big hugs. Instead, they tend to be on the shy side when meeting someone for the first time, and that’s completely normal behavior for kids interacting with unfamiliar faces. Yet, some individuals—be they strangers, friends, or family—feel the need to make life difficult for these more reserved children.
Take, for instance, an old friend of mine. When we bump into each other at the grocery store, she greets my kids with a smile, asks for their names, and inquires about their ages. But when my kids shyly hide behind my legs, she takes it personally. “Oh, you don’t like me?” she says. “Am I that scary?” (That’s sure to win over a kid, right?) Then she adds, “Are you just shy?” But the way she says “shy” sounds more like an accusation than a simple observation.
Here’s a little wake-up call: it’s perfectly okay for kids to be shy. In fact, I believe it’s a healthy trait. Ever heard of “stranger danger”? I’d much prefer my kids to be cautious around someone they’ve never encountered than to be too trusting—like, “Sure, I’d love a ride in your van for some candy, random person!” It takes time for some children to feel comfortable around new people, and it would be great if everyone could embrace this perspective.
When a stranger insists on a hug or a high five from my kids and won’t take “no” for an answer, my Mama Bear instincts kick in. No one is entitled to my children’s affection. If my daughter isn’t interested in sitting next to you on the couch, that’s her choice. If my son doesn’t want to give you a high five, that’s his prerogative. They shouldn’t be pressured into doing anything that makes them uncomfortable, and others should stop expecting more from kids than they’re willing to provide.
If a child appears shy around you, just be polite and respect their boundaries. Don’t push them; don’t make them feel uneasy. It’s not all about you. Trust me, you’ll survive a day without a 4-year-old showering you with affection. If a 3-year-old dashes away when you say goodbye, it’s not personal. It’s simply a part of who they are, and shyness is not a flaw but rather just a personality trait.
In reality, spending time with shy kids can be a delight because, once they warm up to you, they’ll likely become your shadow, sticking by you until you leave. There’s always a silver lining.
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Summary:
It’s important to understand that shyness in children is a normal trait, not a flaw. Pressuring shy kids into social interactions can be uncomfortable for them and counterproductive. Instead, we should respect their boundaries and allow them to warm up at their own pace. Embracing their shyness can lead to deeper connections when they do feel comfortable.