While you might think your child isn’t ready for this information for several years, you take pride in being a parent who promotes open and honest conversations about any topic. You’ve tackled health class discussions head-on and even added your own two cents on topics you believe are important. You’ve explained anatomical terms and sprinkled in some slang to help her navigate the tricky world of peer conversations. You even gave her a heads-up about some words that might cause her embarrassment at lunch.
But then one day, while you’re driving through a rainstorm, she suddenly asks, “Mom, is it true that if you do this long enough, you’ll taste salt?” and starts mimicking shaking a salt shaker over her mouth. Yep, you get the picture.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, here are some tips to navigate this tricky conversation:
- Stay Calm. Resist the urge to slam on the brakes or drive into a tree. Keep your voice steady and kindly ask her to stop her demonstration. Find out where she heard this information. When she names her brother, assume some other kid must have shared it with him—and blame their parents for this slip in innocence.
- Choose a Private Setting. This isn’t a conversation for the car, especially not with younger siblings present. Wait until everyone is settled for the night to address the topic. Don’t ignore it; you can’t un-see what just happened, so it’s best to tackle it head-on.
- Select Your Words Wisely. As you explain what she was mimicking, be mindful that any hint of familiarity could lead to some awkward discussions about your past. Prepare for questions you may not want to answer. Tread lightly, especially if she’s armed with “How do you know?” in her arsenal.
- Be Prepared for More Questions. While it sounds odd, preparing yourself can help. Think through potential follow-up questions about texture, odor, and appearances—but maybe avoid food comparisons. If the questions don’t come, take a moment to breathe a sigh of relief, then find an excuse to step away for a bit.
- Use the Right Terminology. You might realize you’ve forgotten the proper terms. A quick search can help you remember that it’s called fellatio. As you read through various terms, chuckle at a few but make sure to erase your browsing history when you’re done.
- Keep It Brief. Save deeper discussions about morals, ethics, and hygiene for another day. Remember, your kid probably thought she was just asking about condiments.
- Encourage Discretion. Remind her that not all parents may want to discuss this yet, and if she hears others talking about “tasting salt,” she should know where it came from. Try to keep a gentle tone while explaining the importance of keeping this info private.
- Foster Open Communication. Let her know you want her to come to you with questions instead of hearing about it from someone at school. This is all about protecting her from misunderstandings and embarrassment, and of course, a potential sodium overload!
- Give Yourself Grace. Understand that as she spends more time outside your influence, she’ll encounter lots of information—from friends and social media. Remember that you’re not alone; we’ve all been caught off guard as parents.
Navigating these topics can be murky waters, but with honesty and openness, you can provide the guidance she needs.
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Summary
Discussing sensitive topics like oral sex with your tween can be daunting. It’s essential to stay calm, choose the right moment, and use appropriate language. Encourage open communication while respecting boundaries, and remember that you’re providing a safe space for her to learn.