6 Things I’d Prefer Over School Supply Shopping

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Honestly, summer can feel like a relentless trial. The heat is unbearable, I’m constantly sweating, and the ever-changing schedule leaves me feeling overwhelmed. Keeping my kids entertained while juggling work responsibilities is a monumental task. Plus, I have to nag them to eat proper meals and get outside, rather than staying glued to screens all day.

But the absolute worst part of summer? School supply shopping. I dread that annual tradition more than a horror movie marathon. The supply list feels endless and is packed with specific items that are nearly impossible to find. By the time I wrap up this exhausting endeavor, I’ve spent a small fortune at various stores, feeling like I’m being punished for wanting to get my kids back to school. Let’s be honest, it’s the most torturous scavenger hunt a parent can endure.

In no particular order, here are six activities I’d much rather do than face the chaos of school supply shopping:

1. Enduring multiple root canals. The time and effort involved in those dental visits would still be less than the hours I spend searching for that elusive 10-pack of classic washable markers without any pastels. Who knew markers could be so elusive?
2. Teaching a room full of preschoolers to tie their shoes. This sounds less frustrating than hunting for supplies, only to return home with blue folders that are paper instead of the required plastic ones. Cue the eye roll.
3. Expressing my dog’s anal glands. I’d take that over the nauseating smell of sweat and desperation wafting from other parents who are also battling the back-to-school blues, often with cranky kids in tow.
4. Giving up bacon for a whole year. The sorrow I’d feel would pale in comparison to the hair-pulling frustration I experience waiting in line at the fifth store, only to discover they ran out of those specific white Magic Rub pencil erasers—the only ones the school accepts.
5. Undergoing a full body wax, including my nostrils. The pain would be less intense than the high-pitched wail of my daughter when she discovers those One Direction high-top shoes don’t meet uniform standards.
6. Daily intimacy with my husband for an entire month. Yes, that includes swallowing!

I could think of even more torturous alternatives, but first, I have to decipher the school supply lists, one for each child, and drag my kids along for what feels like a marathon across at least five different stores to find everything on the list. Then, I’ll have to return the wrong items, label each crayon, and the list goes on… Seriously, who has the time, money, patience, or stamina for this madness?

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In summary, the reality of school supply shopping is a chaotic and expensive nightmare that most parents would gladly avoid if they had the choice. From the long lists to the frustrating store trips, it’s a scavenger hunt that leaves us longing for simpler tasks—like a trip to the dentist.