Navigating conversations with parents of autistic children can be tricky. As someone who has been on this journey, I’ve learned that certain comments can be more harmful than helpful. Here’s a light-hearted yet sincere take on what to avoid saying, along with some more supportive alternatives.
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“He can’t be autistic because…”
When my son, Jake, was being diagnosed, I encountered a host of reasons why people thought he couldn’t possibly be on the spectrum. From “He made eye contact with me!” to “He’s nothing like those characters in movies!” It’s already a challenge for parents to accept the diagnosis; we don’t need to feel like we’re constantly defending our child’s reality. Autism is a spectrum; it manifests differently in every child.
Instead of dismissing their experience, try asking, “I’m not familiar with autism; can you share what it means for Jake?” This shows genuine interest and care, and it helps break down stereotypes. It’s comforting when people want to know more about our children. -
“He’ll probably grow out of it.”
Fast forward seven years since Jake’s diagnosis, and he’s still the same amazing kid, autism and all. His autism is a part of who he is, and it’s not something he’ll simply outgrow. Comments like these minimize the hard work he’s done and the unique qualities that make him special. Accepting him as he is, quirks included, is what I cherish most. My friend Maya always greets him with a high five, which he loves! -
“I read that autism is caused by…”
If I had a nickel for every time someone shared a study blaming everything from maternal health to environmental factors for autism, I’d be rich! These studies often mislead with correlations that don’t imply causation. Research is increasingly pointing to genetic factors. So, if you’re inclined to discuss studies, steer clear of blame. A better approach would be, “What resources do you recommend for learning about autism?” This way, you engage without adding to any guilt. -
“I heard you can cure autism by…”
Ah, the minefield of “cures.” There’s no cure for autism, and many adults on the spectrum embrace their identity wholeheartedly. Mentioning the idea of a cure can provoke strong reactions. Plus, there are plenty of dubious treatments out there that could be harmful. Instead of suggesting cures, it’s more constructive to ask, “What strategies have you found helpful for Jake?” This type of inquiry shows that you care about their experience without implying they need to fix anything. -
“You’re my hero!” or “God knew you could handle this!”
While these comments are often well-intentioned, they can feel a bit patronizing. It’s easy to assume that parents of special needs kids have some extraordinary strength, but the truth is, we’re just regular parents doing our best. If you want to offer support, ask, “How can I help?” A simple “You’re doing a great job!” can go a long way too. -
Silence
Perhaps the least helpful thing you can do is say nothing at all. Autism can feel isolating for families. Don’t be afraid to engage in conversation; most parents are more than willing to share their experiences. Just remember, we’re proud of our kids, and we welcome the opportunity to talk about them.
I hope this guide helps you navigate conversations with grace and kindness. For more insights on related topics, check out our post about solutions for home insemination here. And if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, you can find excellent resources at Make A Mom. For comprehensive information on intrauterine insemination, visit the NHS.
In summary, when engaging with parents of autistic children, focus on understanding and supporting them rather than making assumptions or offering unsolicited advice. A little kindness and curiosity can create meaningful connections.