The Reality Check on Parenting That Every Teen Should Know

pregnant woman taking selfielow cost IUI

If you have a middle schooler at home, you might have encountered the infamous “Flour Sack Baby.” This project, which involves taking care of a bag of flour dressed in a onesie for a week, is meant to deter teen pregnancies by showcasing the challenges of parenting. But seriously, does your silent five-pound bag of flour projectile vomit on your favorite sneakers? Does it throw tantrums over PB&J cut into triangles instead of rectangles? Most definitely not! So, here’s my unique eight-lesson plan to truly convey the tough realities of raising a child to eighth-grade health teachers everywhere.

  1. School Assignments Galore. For your first task, dig out that crumpled note from the teacher (dated last month) lurking at the bottom of Flour Boy’s backpack, right beneath the dirty gym shorts and a half-eaten candy bar. Another project? Fantastic! Because nothing says “fun” like working on school assignments after a long day of work, laundry, dinner, and homework. And guess what? It’s due…tomorrow. Time to pour yourself a glass of wine. The final product needs to be at least a B-minus level, but just messy enough to hide the fact that Flour Son was glued to Super Mario while you crafted a masterpiece out of Rice Krispies.
  2. Dining Out Disaster. Enjoy a family meal where the kitchen staff believes Flour Toddler’s order of “plain pasta, no sauce, no meatballs, no cheese” needs some flair. Using only your hands, painstakingly remove every last green parsley flake from those buttery noodles. Not one can remain.
  3. Crafting Chaos. Grab your glue gun! It’s time to create a costume for the Presidents’ Day play. Picture it—Lincoln in a tall hat, Washington in a powdered wig. Oh, wait! Flour Daughter is assigned to play William Henry Harrison, a president who served for just a month. Good luck making a nine-year-old look like a forgettable old man.
  4. Birthday Bash. Bake cupcakes and fill 15 goody bags with overpriced plastic toys for Flour Kid’s birthday. Celebrate at that cheerful place with the questionable pizza and an oversized mouse mascot. Enjoy the pizza while trying to convince Flour Daughter that the creepy guy in the costume is completely harmless. (This lesson will prove useful come December, see #5 below.) Don’t forget to buy extra tokens to score even more plastic junk.
  5. Holiday Hustle. Six weeks until Christmas! Grab your shopping list, you’re on the hunt for every elusive toy that little Flour Darling circled in the Big Toy Book. Pat yourself on the back for being organized. Fast forward to five days before Christmas. Carry two winter coats, a sippy cup, and a small child for a sweaty 45-minute wait to see Santa. Prepare for an all-nighter as you scour the internet for a toy that Flour Kid recently added to his wishlist, now selling at ten times the retail price!
  6. Valentine’s Day Panic! Make a trip to the store for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles valentines that sold out in December. I’m sure classmates like Ava, Noah, and Justin won’t notice the generic cards. Attach cheap candies that nobody eats while Flour Son sulks over the lack of TMNT cards. Feel like a total failure when he brings home elaborate Pinterest projects from his friends.
  7. Camping Adventures. This should be a blast! Try using a filthy, gaping hole as a restroom while a group of 8-year-old scouts bangs on the door, desperate to go. Remove charred marshmallow from your hair, twigs, and your favorite fleece. Devour the remains of six burnt marshmallows while reminding Flour Boy’s friends that fire experiments usually end badly.
  8. Movie Night. You adore Dirty Dancing on TBS, but tonight is all about Frozen. Watch it. Again and again and again.

Congratulations! You have now experienced the trials of parenthood. That bag of Gold Medal flour dressed in a cute bunny onesie doesn’t seem as charming anymore, does it?

For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource, Facts About Fertility. And if you’re curious about the journey of insemination, Make a Mom offers great information. Don’t forget to explore our other blog post on the subject at Intracervical Insemination for further reading.

In summary, parenting is far from the idyllic image often portrayed. It involves chaos, stress, and a lot of patience. So before you rush into parenthood, consider these lessons that can prepare you for the rollercoaster ride ahead.

intracervicalinsemination.org