From my seat in the tenth row of the college theater, I spotted it. As my daughter took center stage alongside her fellow performers to deliver an unforgettable final chorus, something unusual caught my attention. Just beside her nose, her right cheek was twitching ever so slightly. Moments later, the left cheek joined the show. Her eyes widened in determination to hold back the tears, but despite her efforts, she blinked, and then the tears began to trickle down her cheeks.
This wasn’t part of the script, yet I felt no panic. I was the only one in the audience who knew what was unfolding. I was sure she could hold it together until the curtain call, when everyone else would be sharing in her tears. I knew this because, well, I’m Mom.
The Intuition of a Mom
Moms have a knack for knowing things first. We may not have all the answers, but we are the first to sense when our little ones are about to cry. No matter their age—whether they’re 2 months, 5 years, or 12—moms can read the signals preceding a meltdown. We recognize the signs of impending tears, the physical cues that signal a full emotional release is imminent.
We understand what triggers their tears, but we also carry the weight of their childhood memories—their triumphs and their heartaches. My daughter’s cheek quivering resonated with me because I was reliving the same internal dialogue she was experiencing. This was her last performance in college, and I couldn’t help but flash back to a moment in her senior year of high school when she cried over missing out on her final high school musical due to a scheduling conflict. “This was going to be my last musical,” she had lamented. “I’m not good enough for college shows. I’ll NEVER sing on a stage again.”
As she cried on that college stage, I felt the mix of grief and gratitude for how far she had come. Moms know because we share that deep connection.
The Signs of Deception
A mom also knows when her child is about to tell a fib. Experts say kids typically start lying around age two, and those early fibs are easy to spot. But as they grow, recognizing the signs of deception becomes one of parenting’s trickiest challenges. When it’s not driving us nuts or sending us into a panic, it can even be amusing.
I asked some mom friends how they can tell when their kids are gearing up to lie. The responses ranged from “His lips start moving” to “She glances over her shoulder as if someone more clever than me might be eavesdropping on her little story.” With older kids, it gets trickier. We often notice their tech habits giving away the truth: A dead phone? Not buying it. Evasive text messages? Hmmm. An overly sweet message? Busted!
Research indicates that all kids lie—often. It’s part of growing up and asserting their independence. When a disagreement with my teenage daughter appeared to wrap up quickly, I sensed she was quietly plotting to bypass my rules. Instead of acknowledging my reasons for why she shouldn’t go to that wild friend’s party, she was already scheming to disguise it as a sleepover at another friend’s place. Seriously? Did she think we wouldn’t see that coming? We invented those tactics! My daughter thought she’d outsmarted me, but I was simply picking my battles—an essential part of both of our journeys.
People often lie when they feel pressed for time, options, or resources. And believe me, a mom usually knows when her child is running out of these.
Recognizing Readiness to Soar
And, of course, a mom knows when her child is ready to soar. She recognizes when a 7-year-old has memorized a poem, when a 10-year-old has perfected her free-throws, when a 12-year-old has studied his geography flash cards diligently, or when a 16-year-old has decided how to ask someone to their very first dance.
A mom senses when it’s time for her child to shed their training wheels and tackle the skies. Sometimes, we wish we could hold them back, but the challenge of parenting lies in allowing our kids to embark on these little adventures. Deep down, we understand that it’s our purpose to help them find their wings.
My daughter’s tears during her college performance were different from the tears she shed in high school, yet they signaled a similar turning point. I recognized that she was navigating a transition, preparing to let go of college life, a circle of friends, and a moment that couldn’t be relived. At 22, she has experienced enough change to recognize its sting.
But as her mom, I know I can’t restrain her. The future will soon distract her from what she’s leaving behind. She may miss this chapter and its spotlight, but countless new ones await. The script may not seem as thrilling, filled with tasks like securing a job or finding her first apartment (please, dear God, please), but moms understand that embracing independence can feel just as exhilarating as belting out a favorite tune. And in our homes, that alternative? Not an option.
Yes, moms know first. While it can sometimes offer a bittersweet glimpse of what’s to come, it often feels like a lonely burden.
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In summary, moms have an uncanny ability to perceive their children’s emotional states, recognize early signs of deception, and sense when their kids are ready to take flight. This unique insight, a blend of intuition and experience, shapes the parenting journey in profound and sometimes bittersweet ways.