One of the most significant shifts that came with parenthood was the uneven distribution of responsibilities in my marriage. People often say that marriage is about compromise, and while that’s true, they don’t mention that sometimes you’ll find yourself giving more than your partner, and at other times, taking on more. It’s rarely a perfect equilibrium. Life, much like my laundry pile, doesn’t always follow the neat plan you envisioned.
Before kids came along, our household chores were relatively balanced. We took turns cooking, vacuuming, and tackling the dishes. We even did our own laundry—because let’s be real, I never folded Ben’s pants correctly. Fast forward to today, and our standards have shifted. Since welcoming our third child, our laundry has exploded from a single basket to what feels like mountains of clothes every few days. Honestly, Ben is just thrilled to have clean pants, and I’m lucky if I can find the floor beneath the dirty laundry.
Once I decided to stay home with the kids, most of the housework landed on my plate, while Ben took on the financial responsibilities. No longer part of Team Income, it was his job to keep us afloat financially. Meanwhile, maintaining a semblance of order in our home felt like a Herculean task—especially with three little tornadoes wreaking havoc. I longed for the chore-sharing days of our early marriage because, let’s face it, we had a mountain of dishes. I’d trade my last sip of coffee for that back-and-forth arrangement. Parenthood brings exhaustion and routine, and we often fall into roles we didn’t choose. I was overwhelmed and resentful, especially when Ben wouldn’t even load the dishwasher after dinner.
For four long years, I griped about the unfair distribution of housework. Then one day, I had an epiphany. Getting upset over the imbalance wasn’t leading anywhere positive—it was just fueling my resentment. I realized that Ben was contributing in his own way, and that it was unrealistic to expect a 50/50 split in chores at this stage in our lives. He helps when he can, when I ask, or when he senses I’m drowning in tasks. Plus, he doesn’t have a laundry list of expectations for what I should do around the house, other than ensuring the kids are still breathing.
The truth is, life isn’t balanced. It’s more like rush hour on a freeway: everything is moving fast, and every task is crucial for keeping things flowing. So, I stopped whining and started doing what needed to be done. I take out the trash without complaining because I know if I wait for Ben, there’s a solid chance it’ll get forgotten. If I paused to wait for someone else to tackle the chores, I’d likely be staring at a mountain of dirty dishes and a laundry basket overflowing with mismatched socks.
In our household, things run much better when I just jump in and handle tasks as they arise—even if it means taking on something that’s not technically my job. Do I love taking out the garbage? Nope. Do I enjoy most of the chores? Not really. But the reality is, I can wash the dishes in 30 minutes instead of spending that time arguing about who does more and why I’m always the one washing the dishes. It means I can savor a glass of wine on the patio or read an extra bedtime story. It also means I can end the day in a better mood. The sooner I load the dishes, the quicker I can tackle the laundry pile that will inevitably linger until I sift through it for clean clothes. And who knows, maybe I’ll even figure out how to fold Ben’s pants someday.
If you found this article relatable, check out our other blog posts, such as this one about home insemination, it’s a great resource for those navigating parenthood. For more insights, you might also want to visit IVF Babble, an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re looking for authority on self insemination, check out Cryobaby for their top-notch kits.
Summary:
Letting go of the expectation for equal distribution of housework has led to a more peaceful home life for me and my family. Embracing the chaos and tackling chores as they come has reduced my stress levels and allowed us to enjoy our time together more fully.