When my daughter Emily was diagnosed with leukemia at just nine years old, I was overwhelmed by the support we received from family, friends, and even acquaintances. Everyone offered help in various ways, but some struggled to find the right words. To help others communicate better in these tough situations, here are some common phrases along with my thoughts as a parent navigating this journey:
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“How’s your child and family holding up?”
I appreciate you taking the time to ask about both Emily and my other kids. This open-ended question gives me the space to share what I’m comfortable discussing, which can change from moment to moment. Just a heads-up, though: if you can’t handle the answer, it’s better to say, “I’m thinking of you,” so I can feel your concern without overloading you with details. -
“You’re in my thoughts and prayers.”
This simple gesture means the world to me. Knowing that others care about Emily’s well-being and are rooting for her gives me strength on the tough days. When friends text me that they’re our “prayer warriors,” it fills my heart with hope. -
“How can I help?”
While I often find it hard to communicate my needs, I truly value those who take action—like delivering meals or taking my other kids out for some fun. When neighbors cleared our driveway after a hospital visit or a friend showed up to help with home chores, it was a huge relief. As we face this long journey, ongoing help is incredibly important. -
“I know someone who had cancer.”
Sometimes, people share their own experiences, but not all of them are uplifting. For instance, when someone tells me about a relative who suffered for years, it doesn’t help. However, I do appreciate hearing success stories about kids who have triumphed over cancer and are thriving now. -
“She’ll be okay; I just know it.”
While I appreciate the sentiment, nobody can predict the future. This kind of reassurance can feel dismissive because it makes me hyper-aware of our uncertain situation. I’m taking things one moment at a time, hoping for the best for Emily but grounded in reality. -
“I couldn’t handle what you’re going through.”
Believe me, I never thought I’d be in this position either. But as a parent, you do what you have to do. If you were in my shoes, you’d rally for your child just like I am. It’s a mix of anger, fear, and hope, but I’m simply doing what needs to be done. -
“Want to take a walk?”
Oh, I love this one! As long as someone is with Emily, I’m usually up for it. Walking with friends helps ease my anxiety and gives me a break from the weight of cancer, even if just for a little while. It’s also a great chance to catch up on life outside of our situation.
Facing this battle head-on and acknowledging my daughter’s struggles is how I cope. Every family is different, but I believe all parents agree: having support from others is crucial. Whether through kind words or thoughtful actions, showing you care can truly make a difference for families dealing with cancer.
For more insights on helping families cope with childhood cancer, check out resources like City of Hope, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and News Medical.
Summary:
Supporting a parent whose child has cancer involves thoughtful communication and genuine actions. Simple gestures, such as asking how they are doing or offering help without waiting for them to ask, can go a long way. Acknowledging both the struggles and the hopes of the family creates a supportive environment, fostering strength through community.