By: Jenna Waters
Updated: Dec. 23, 2015
Originally Published: Jan. 2, 2012
Not too long ago, I opened up to a close friend about a cosmetic procedure I had tried a few years back, a secret I had kept tucked away from most. Her response? A nonchalant shrug followed by, “Well, you’ve always been a bit self-centered.” Ouch. I was taken aback and felt a sting of hurt. I certainly don’t see myself as vain. To me, vain people—especially women—are portrayed as wicked, self-absorbed characters, bent on preserving their beauty at any cost, even if it means sabotaging those around them. (Hello, classic fairy tales!) I’m not a caricature, but her comment did make me reflect on the fine line between being proud of one’s appearance and being conceited.
Like many little girls, my first lessons on beauty came from my mom. She would drag my sisters and me to department stores, spending what felt like an eternity testing lipsticks and eye shadows while we played with that odd skin type tester. My mom might not have been a fashionista, but her self-esteem was definitely tied to her beauty routine. She didn’t hold back when it came to sharing her views on beauty. At ten, I learned how to shave my legs, and by eleven, I was advised to address my “mustache.” We spent countless evenings bonding over hair dye and bleach.
When I hit middle school, however, things took a turn. I watched as my friends blossomed while I felt like a withered weed. The teasing was relentless—I was called “Squishy” after a character from a movie, which I guess was supposed to be funny. Middle school can be brutal, and it’s even harder when you’re the one on the receiving end of comments like “The Young and the Flat-Chested.”
Eventually, with some time, hormones, and the right undergarments, I began to regain my confidence. Navigating my twenties, I rediscovered the magic of eyeliner and lip gloss, leaning into my mom’s teachings. While I never woke up looking like a million bucks, I always had a plan to make it happen. There’s something empowering about putting effort into your appearance; it can make you feel more confident, capable, and yes, even funnier!
I must admit, I find joy in looking my best, or at least in my interpretation of what that means. I love getting compliments about my hair and catching my reflection in store windows, thinking, “Hey, not too shabby!” I hit the gym, watch my diet, and have a slight obsession with makeup. I put in effort to ensure my insides match my outsides, and I take pride in both aspects. Whether that qualifies as vanity is up to you to decide.
As I approach my 40th birthday, I’m acutely aware of the unique challenges that come with aging as a woman. Our society is so focused on youth, and I often find myself grappling with what looking good means for me at this stage of life. I’m definitely not a supermodel—cellulite, fine lines, and bunions are part of my reality. I don’t want to dress like I’m 25 anymore, but I do want to feel good for as long as I can. And if I can achieve that? Well, I’m all for it!
For more insights on motherhood and body image, check out our post on how having kids can boost your self-esteem.
In summary, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to present your best self to the world. It’s about balance and embracing both inner and outer beauty, regardless of societal pressures.