A few months back, my son received a diagnosis of a cancerous tumor. I won’t dive into the specifics of its location or rarity, but I can assure you he’s doing remarkably well, and we remain calm, focused, and optimistic. However, the journey of breaking this news to friends and family turned my world upside down. While some responses were comforting, others were downright unhelpful. So, to help you navigate these sensitive conversations, here are four things to steer clear of saying if you hear that a child has a serious illness:
1. “I Can’t Imagine What You Must Be Going Through.”
This phrase really grinds my gears. It puts the emotional weight on me to comfort you! Now I’m left responding with something like, “Yes, it’s tough, but we’re managing,” or “We were shocked at first, but we’re finding our way.” Honestly, you’re right—it’s likely unimaginable for you, so please don’t remind me of how awful it is. I need support, not a reminder of the pain.
2. “You’re Handling This So Well…You’re So Strong.”
I’m no superhero; I’m just a mom doing what any mom would do—fighting tooth and nail for my child’s well-being. When someone tells me I’m strong, it feels like they expected me to crumble into a puddle of tears. Trust me, I’d love to do that, but I can’t, not when my child needs me. Most moms would step up to show strength in a crisis. It’s not about being strong; it’s about love and necessity.
3. “What Can I Do To Help?”
I genuinely appreciate your desire to help, but asking me what I need is tough. I’m juggling other kids, a dog, and laundry, and I really don’t want to create a list of tasks for you. Instead, just jump in and do what you think might ease our load. One friend, without asking, showed up at our door with frozen meals, toys, and even some goodies for stressed-out parents. Another set up a meal train that took care of dinners for my husband and the boys while we’re away for treatments. We were so thankful for the support without having to ask.
4. “He Will Be Fine.”
While I appreciate your positivity, statements like this can feel dismissive. Yes, we believe he will be fine, and we’re holding onto hope. But unless you’re his doctor, you don’t know the specifics of his treatment or the tough decisions we’re facing. It’s not as simple as saying he’ll bounce back like after a cold. So please, be mindful of the gravity of the situation.
The real hero in all this is my son, who remains resilient and brave despite his diagnosis. Yet, it’s surprising how often people forget to ask how he’s doing. If you want to support us, remember to extend that love to him too. He may be a laid-back kid with a tumor, but he deserves encouragement and compassion just like the rest of us.
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Summary
Navigating conversations when your child is diagnosed with a serious illness can be challenging. It’s essential to avoid phrases that place emotional burdens or minimize the situation. Instead, focus on offering genuine support and love, especially to the child facing the illness.