As a parent, instilling honesty in your child ranks alongside essential milestones like teaching them to walk, talk, and navigate a toilet. These are crucial life skills after all. No one appreciates a fibber—hence the saying about their pants catching fire. However, understanding the concept of hypocrisy is equally vital. So, my dear children, prepare for a moment of honesty as I share four little white lies I’ve told you over the years. Trust me, one day, you might understand my reasoning.
1. The Cleaning Crew Must Have Disposed of It
Every month, we have a lovely cleaning duo come by to tidy up our home. They have a knack for turning your chaotic bedrooms into picture-perfect spaces, with toys and books arranged just so. Unfortunately, I’m not quite as tidy. While they’re busy making things look pristine, I’ve taken the liberty to discreetly toss out items like those Mardi Gras beads you’re saving for next year, or that outdated Halloween costume. I always say, “A cluttered room leads to a cluttered mind,” and I want you both to have room for creative thoughts. If you ever miss those items, well, let’s just say the cleaning crew is an easy scapegoat while I silently bear the guilt.
2. Our Car Radio Just Doesn’t Receive the Disney Station
Ah, Radio Disney—a relentless stream of cheerful jingles and hyper-produced songs. After hearing horror stories from other parents about the earworms that come from that station, I had to take action. While you were still in the back seat, blissfully unaware of the dashboard’s mysteries, I would just turn the air conditioning dial a couple of times and exclaim, “Wow! That station doesn’t seem to come in. How about we jam to my new Crowded House CD instead?” The outcome? You developed a refined taste in music, which led you to request tickets to see Neil Finn at the Fillmore for your first concert. I couldn’t have been prouder.
3. Dad Must Have Snagged the Last Cookies
Let’s do the math here, kids. Dad is the athletic type, spending countless hours cycling and working long hours at the office. Meanwhile, I’m the stay-at-home writer who would do anything to procrastinate on my writing. So, when those chocolate chip cookies are left unattended, do you really think they stand a chance? When you ask about the cookies, I simply shrug and suggest that Dad must have devoured them before you could get to them. In reality, the apple slices I offered you were far better for your health anyway.
4. Those Accessories Totally Enhance My Look
When you insisted that my classic little black dress needed your homemade accessories—a pair of paperclip earrings, Aunt Edna’s cocktail ring, and that pop-apart pearl necklace from Grandma Laura—I smiled and agreed. Who was I to hurt your feelings? Sure, I looked a bit like I was auditioning for a role in “Working Girl,” but I complimented your creativity while subtly stashing a few of my nicer pieces in my purse. If you’ve wondered why the earrings you picked out for me seemed to vanish from view, let’s just say I didn’t quite remove them at the right time.
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To summarize, parenting sometimes requires a few little fibs to maintain sanity and humor. These four lies—about cleaning, music, cookies, and accessories—have been my way of navigating the ups and downs of motherhood while keeping the peace at home.