I’ve often pondered whether I would ever feel that my family was truly complete. Would I always yearn for the peaceful presence of a newborn, or would I finally stop feeling that pang of envy for new moms who get to cuddle sweet-smelling infants instead of dealing with the sweat and mess from older kids? Would I ever let go of the tiny onesies, outgrown Halloween costumes, and cherished board books, just in case we might need them again? Would that longing ever fade?
I have friends who knew right away after their first child that they were done. Some went so far as to have their tubes tied after one, two, or even three kids, determined to never go through labor again. Then there are those who always knew they didn’t want kids at all. But me? I’ve never felt that kind of certainty.
For five years, I thought three was my magic number. It’s a nice, round figure, and there’s usually at least one child who isn’t driving me up the wall at any given time. However, just when I’d feel settled, that sneaky baby fever would hit, making the idea of a family of six sound more delightful than chaotic. Every late period sent me on an emotional rollercoaster as I imagined all the joyful scenarios that could unfold.
Then last week, everything changed. In a bizarre moment of confusion and what-the-heck-is-happening, I envisioned life with four kids. I pictured the infant car seat, the formula, the endless diapers, and those sleepless nights. I thought of the sweet midnight cuddles and the milestones: first smiles, first steps, and birthday celebrations. But instead of the heartwarming visions of sibling bonding, backyard football games, and overflowing Thanksgiving dinners, I suddenly saw nothing but stress, dollar signs, and chaos.
And just like that, the moment passed. There would be no new baby, and this time, instead of feeling that familiar pit of longing, I was flooded with relief. So, I realized with clarity: my number is three. How about you?
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In summary, my journey to figure out my family size has been a winding road filled with uncertainty. After much reflection, I’ve found that three feels just right for me, and it’s comforting to finally have clarity.