My partner and I are the proud parents of four energetic kids, including a trio of triplets! With our eldest being six and the triplets just three, you can only imagine how hectic our household is. Thankfully, my partner, Dave, and I make a fantastic team. When you suddenly go from one child to four—especially with three of them being under two years old—you quickly learn the importance of collaboration to keep your sanity intact.
It’s a well-known fact that parents of multiples face tough challenges, and unfortunately, many couples experience high divorce rates, hovering around 75 to 80%. But in our case, Dave and I do our best to share parenting responsibilities. I work just two days a week, so I tend to handle most of the daily chaos. I take the kids grocery shopping, prepare meals, ensure they’re all dressed and fed for school, and keep track of their health. I’m the one who wakes up to their nighttime cries and makes sure they’re bundled up in the right clothes.
Dave helps out when he can, but most of the time, the parenting duties fall on my shoulders. However, I do have one weekend a month where I work 12-hour shifts as a nurse—from 7 AM to 7 PM. On those weekends, Dave takes charge of the kids all by himself.
On the last weekend I worked, Dave decided to take the kids to church since we had recently gotten back into the habit of attending. I was slightly skeptical, considering that I usually handle all the logistics on Sunday mornings—like feeding the kids, getting them dressed, packing snacks, and managing my own wardrobe while he showers. However, I laid out their Sunday clothes and styled our daughter Lily’s hair to give him a head start.
To my surprise, when I checked in with Dave later, he shared that not only had he successfully taken the kids to church, but he also took them to visit his Grandma at the nursing home and treated them to lunch afterward. I hung up the phone feeling a twinge of envy.
“What’s wrong?” a colleague of mine asked when she saw my frown.
“Oh, nothing, just in a bit of a mood,” I replied.
“Why’s that?” she pressed for more details.
“Well, Dave managed to take the kids to church and his Grandma’s without any hiccups. They behaved perfectly—no tantrums, no accidents, nothing!” I lamented.
My friend looked at me with sympathy. “And what’s the worst part?” she asked.
“Now he’ll have that look on his face when I tell him about my chaotic trip to the store with the kids. You know, the one that says, ‘What’s the big deal? Taking kids out is easy.’ I can’t stand that look!”
“So, what did you want?” she asked.
“I wanted something to go wrong—maybe a phone call asking for advice, or a diaper blowout. You know, the typical parenting chaos that follows me around,” I said.
She raised an eyebrow, “You wanted him to fail?”
“Well, no, that sounds a bit harsh,” I admitted. “But I just don’t want to go to church next week and hear all the other moms rave about how amazing my husband is. They’ll call him a ‘super dad’ and say he deserves a gold star. He just took the kids out—something I do on a daily basis!”
“So, basically, you want a gold star too?” she concluded.
“Exactly!” I exclaimed. “Where’s my mother effing gold star?”
This article was originally published on Dec. 28, 2010 and can be a reminder of the everyday challenges parents face. For more tips and support in your parenting journey, check out our other posts, including how to navigate pregnancy and home insemination here. For those looking for more information on at-home insemination, Make A Mom is a trusted resource, as well as WomensHealth.gov, which provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, parenting can often feel like a competition for recognition, especially when it seems like our partners breeze through tasks we find overwhelming. It’s a reminder that every parent deserves acknowledgment for their hard work and dedication, even if it sometimes feels like we’re just going through the motions.