Let’s be real for a moment: if you ever find yourself in a situation where someone in charge tells you to zap me with increasing voltage for every wrong answer I give, just know it’s about to get intense. I’ve always had a certain reverence for authority figures. White coat? Sure, I’ll follow your prescription to the letter! Lots of diplomas? Clearly, I need to listen to you even if my parents are the ones who set up this appointment. And a published book? Wow, you must be an expert! I’ll definitely implement your “Perfect Kids in 9 Seconds” strategy right away! (Spoiler alert: I’m in a few books, too. Apparently, they let anyone write one.)
But as I’ve grown older, I’ve developed a bit more confidence. These days, I’m more inclined to trust my instincts, do my own research, and challenge so-called experts when I disagree. However, the internet doesn’t seem to care about my newfound wisdom. Instead, it bombards me with unsolicited advice, and I’ve had enough! Here are nine things I wish the internet would just stop nagging me about:
9. Cut out these five foods if I want to avoid being “fat and miserable.”
Seriously, seeing those carb-laden treats pop up on my feed every 37 minutes is not helping my willpower!
8. Wrap It!
I’ve seen the success stories, but unless someone invents a magical wrap that covers my mouth and keeps snacks at bay, my thighs are here to stay.
7. Infuse my water with fruit.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to chop enough fruit? And carrying around a heavy mason jar filled with mushy fruits sounds more like a workout than hydration.
6. Get more sleep.
Thanks for the reminder, Captain Obvious! My kids are older now, and between their practices, homework, and our cherished family TV time, I can’t just hit the hay at 7:30. If I did, I’d officially be the most boring mom ever.
5. Drink wine.
Newsflash: I don’t like wine, never have! So stop insisting it’s a miracle cure for everything from health issues to global warming. If you’ve got something good to say about whiskey, though, let’s chat!
4. Stop using K-Cups.
I do my part for the environment, folks. Sure, my grass looks like the Sahara, but can’t a mom enjoy the convenience of brewing a single cup of coffee in peace? I switched to a reusable K-Cup, yet if I hear it might cause cancer, I might freak out!
3. Toss everything in my pantry because my food is “killing me.”
I’ve navigated 41 years of life without turning into a science experiment. I can read labels, and I’m savvy enough to know not everything is a conspiracy to get me sick.
2. Buy fancy jewelry.
I can snag four pairs of hoop earrings for just $5 at the store. Sure, they turn my earlobes black, but that’s practically a fashion statement, right? Plus, those earrings look fabulous with my $20 workout pants from Costco.
1. Worry about my kid’s self-esteem.
Have you ever spent time with a 12-year-old boy? They think they’re the best at everything! I’m less concerned about his self-esteem when I have to remind him nine times to pick up his shoes. Let’s face it—sometimes a little tough love is in order.
So, dear internet, I’ve got this parenting thing under control.
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Summary
The article humorously addresses the overwhelming and often unsolicited advice the internet bombards us with regarding parenting and lifestyle choices. From nutrition to self-care, the author expresses a desire to reclaim autonomy in decision-making, proving that sometimes, you just need to trust your instincts.