I know you might be thinking that I’m letting my child run wild, perhaps even get away with murder. I’ve caught those judgmental glances you shoot my way, and I get it—you believe a good old-fashioned kick in the backside is just what he needs. Trust me, if I were in your position, I might think the same. But I’m in my own shoes, and there’s a lot more to my story than meets the eye.
You see, my child struggles with a mood disorder, and it takes a whole pharmacy’s worth of medication just to help him get through the day. For the first decade of his life, he was on a mission to show the world that “You’re not the boss of me!” I made plenty of mistakes trying to assert that “Oh, yes, I am the boss of you!” because that’s what parents are “supposed” to do, right?
Well, I thought so too, until I started to understand the complexities of parenting a child with such a challenge. Now I realize there are limits to what I can control. I can’t demand that my child’s brain function as it should, or that it stops deceiving him with exaggerated fears. Just like I can’t expect a child in a wheelchair to leap up and walk, I can’t force my son to think rationally when his mind is in chaos. What I can control is how I respond to his needs, which might not align with the conventional ideas of discipline.
The True Meaning of Discipline
Here’s the kicker: Discipline should be about teaching, not just dishing out consequences. The word “discipline” actually comes from the Latin “disciplina,” meaning instruction, teaching, and learning. This perspective shifted my thinking. If there’s no real learning happening, is it even discipline? Or am I just imposing my will on a child who’s already at a disadvantage?
Even if it’s not obvious, I do try to instill lessons in my child. I focus on teaching him about critical thinking and understanding cause and effect. But there are moments when his emotions spiral into hysterics, and rationality goes out the window. In those instances, no lesson is going to stick.
A Real-Life Example
Take yesterday, for example. He was excited about a new Nerf gun, only to come home and find out that the delivery was delayed. For most kids, that would be a minor annoyance, but for my son, it felt like the world was crashing down. He melted down and insisted we order another one. I tried to explain that it wouldn’t help, but he was in no state to process that. So, I caved and ordered a second one. Sure, it might seem silly, but refusing to do so wouldn’t have taught him anything—it would have just made the whole afternoon miserable for him and his siblings.
My go-to approach is always to guide my son in navigating life. However, when I see that he’s reached that tipping point where logical thought is impossible, I choose to prioritize peace over discipline. So, if you ever catch yourself thinking I’m a lazy parent who won’t enforce discipline, I get why you’d think that, but you’re mistaken. I’m working with a different playbook, doing my best with the hand I’ve been dealt.
Further Reading
If you’re interested in exploring more about other parenting topics, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you want to learn more about navigating the journey of artificial insemination, this link to couples’ fertility journey is a great place to start.
Conclusion
In summary, parenting a child with a mood disorder comes with unique challenges that require a different approach to discipline and teaching. It’s not about laziness; it’s about understanding and responding to your child’s specific needs.