Parenting
By Jamie Parker
Updated: Aug. 28, 2020
Originally Published: July 21, 2010
After my third C-section, I decided to go for a tubal ligation. Honestly, at this point in my life, I felt like I had enough experience with pregnancy and childbirth to last a lifetime. The thought of adding another little one to our family felt like a nightmare—seriously, just imagining a fourth child was enough to make me break out in a cold sweat! Three was my magic number.
Once I made the decision for elective sterilization, I thought life would instantly become a dreamy paradise filled with spontaneous romantic evenings with my husband. But reality threw a curveball: having three kids meant chaos, and to make matters worse, my period decided to take up residence for 21 days each month. After months of feeling like I was hemorrhaging, I finally secured an appointment with my overbooked gynecologist. I arranged for a babysitter, stocked up on maxi pads and iron supplements, and anxiously awaited the day of my appointment.
I stood by the door, obsessively checking my watch for the babysitter’s arrival. When she was five minutes late, I called her only to be sent straight to voicemail. Panic set in. I couldn’t afford to miss this appointment—my “period underwear” collection was growing alarmingly large. In a moment of desperation, I made a fateful decision: “Alright kids, put your shoes on. Mommy has to go see the doctor, and you’re coming with me.”
“Do you have to get shots? I hate shots!” my oldest exclaimed as I buckled him into his car seat.
“No shots today, I hope,” I muttered, imagining my legs in stirrups with my kids watching in bewilderment.
As I checked in, the other patients stared at me like I’d just lost my mind. “Yes, yes,” I thought, “I’m the crazy mom who brought her kids to the gynecologist.” I considered saying something cheeky like, “Don’t worry, this is just an educational outing,” but thought better of it. They were right; this was bonkers!
Once we were finally in the exam room, my anxiety kicked into high gear. Why on earth did I think this was a good idea? I could probably endure another month of bleeding. I was holding my paper gown in one hand and juggling my purse with the other when I glanced at my kids. The baby was snoozing, and the older two were engrossed in their devices. “Wow,” I thought, “They really don’t even care we’re here.”
I quickly changed, hopped onto the exam table, and waited for my doctor while silently thanking Steve Jobs for his genius inventions. The examination was underway, and I almost forgot about my kids. My focus was solely on the discomfort I was experiencing. Suddenly, a familiar sound broke through my concentration: the click of my camera phone.
I opened my eyes to see my 4-year-old standing behind the doctor, camera aimed at my exposed self. “UMM, sweetheart,” I said cautiously, “What are you doing?” I had to tread lightly; I was not in a position to bark orders.
“I’m taking pictures for Daddy!” he replied innocently, oblivious to the gravity of the situation.
“Can you hand me my phone, please?” I asked diplomatically.
“Okay, I’m done!” he chirped back.
“Done?” I thought, panic rising. What did that mean? My mind raced with horrifying scenarios—photos of my open anatomy going viral on social media! My poor grandmother would have a heart attack. I felt like a Kardashian, but even worse: I wasn’t getting paid for this!
As my kid handed me the phone, I held my breath. What I found were 43 consecutive toddler selfies, captured in that unique way only a four-year-old could with no idea how to flip the camera.
The moral of this tale? If you ever find yourself in a situation where you must take your kids to the absolute last place you want to be, it might just work out. Preferably, bring an iPhone set to airplane mode. For more on family planning, check out our other blog post here and visit Make a Mom, an authority on this topic. If you want reliable information about assisted reproductive technology, don’t forget to check out this resource.
Summary: Navigating a gynecologist appointment with kids in tow can be chaotic and cringe-worthy. However, sometimes, the experience can turn out to be surprisingly entertaining. With a little humor and the right distractions—like a smartphone—chaos can transform into memories that we can laugh about later.