My youngest child, who is 11 and significantly younger than his older siblings, recently expressed a moment of anxiety. He suddenly realized that with his sister heading off to college, it would just be the two of us left at home. “Wait, it’s just going to be you and me for the next…”—he began counting on his fingers—“nine years?”
“Oy,” I replied. “I probably shouldn’t have taught you math.”
“Mom!”
I crouched down to meet his gaze. “Yes, my dear. Unless some random Jerry Maguire shows up to declare, ‘You complete me,’ it’s going to be just us for the next nine years.”
“Jerry Ma-who?”
“Never mind,” I said quickly. “He’s from a movie. But we’ll have fun, just the two of us! I promise.”
His reaction was unexpected. He burst into tears. “But you’re so… boring!” he exclaimed. “You’re always working!”
That one hit hard. It stung not because it was untrue, but because it was painfully true. As a single mom and primary breadwinner in these challenging financial times, work has become my main focus. After separating from my husband, I took in boarders to help pay the bills. My son loved the lively atmosphere with our guests and their different personalities and pets. I enjoyed it too—until I didn’t. I craved some quiet time to reflect on how to navigate this new chapter of life. So, we downsized, got rid of a lot of stuff, and moved.
I scooped him up, hugging his lean frame tightly. He has faced too many challenges these past couple of years: the family breakup, my health issues and job loss, too many jobs to juggle, relocating from our spacious home to a smaller apartment, and daily longing for a dad who lives far away. He’s dealt with bullying at school too. Essentially, he’s had more stress than any kid his age should bear. “I promise,” I said, “I’m going to make our life fun!”
Yes, I thought. I’ll make it enjoyable. But how?
One answer came in the shape of a skateboard I gifted him for his ninth birthday. He loves that skateboard with fervor. It has helped him transition from little boy to big kid. Now, every weekend, I make it a point to take him out for a couple of hours to skate.
Another idea came from him: “Play guitar with me,” he requested. “Teach me some chords.” Just two weekends ago, I taught him “Come As You Are,” his all-time favorite song, thanks to his Kurt Cobain obsession that started when he was just two, after watching the Nirvana Unplugged DVD on repeat for a year. (Yeah, we thought it was quirky too, but kids are funny like that.) This summer, we plan to tackle “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
The third idea emerged from an email from my friend Lily, a photographer I met in the late ’80s while living in France. Over the years, we’ve done a little cultural exchange with our kids—swapping them for a week here and there. Now she wrote to say her son, Oliver, 19, wants to spend his gap year in the U.S. Did I know anyone looking for a boarder?
“Yes! I do,” I replied. I proposed offering Oliver free room and board in exchange for helping take care of Leo now that my daughter will be gone. I love the thought of having a male babysitter around. Plus, with my daughter’s room empty, we actually have the space.
The fourth unexpected development arrived quite suddenly, although I should have seen it coming, having experienced it with my older kids. Her name is a secret for now—his secret to share. But I can tell you this: She loves skateboarding, she’s amazing, and she captured his heart instantly. Since this spirited young lady entered his life, I’ve heard no more complaints about how dull I am.
For now, she completes him, not me. And that’s how it should be. He’s discovering how love can transform his world, which is what we aim to teach our children. Yes, we have to teach them math, even if they use it against us. We must guide them in reading, tying their shoes, cooking, and showing kindness, and eventually, we must prepare them to fly away. Above all, we need to love our children consistently and unconditionally so that when they are ready, they’ll know how to love another.
“If I teach you guitar,” he recently wrote to her, “you can teach me piano. Keep that in mind.” The other day, I overheard them jamming together and laughing. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
Unless something unexpected happens, I believe the next nine years will be just fine for him—not boring at all. In fact, I worry they’ll fly by too quickly.
For more on navigating family dynamics and home-building options, check out this excellent resource on family planning, or explore how to create your own family journey with insights on making your dreams a reality.
Summary
This article shares the journey of a single mother navigating life with her youngest son after his siblings have left home. Through humor and heartfelt moments, she reflects on their challenges and triumphs, emphasizing the importance of love, creativity, and adaptability in parenting. The bond they are forging through activities like skateboarding and music is a testament to their resilience and connection.