Remember those childhood moments when a friend’s family faced hardship, and our parents instinctively sprang into action? In my case, it was often a casserole made in a dish with a snap-on top. Whether someone was ill, grieving, or dealing with some other crisis, I’d wait in the car while my mom delivered her hearty meal, knowing that something serious had happened. Now, as adults, it’s our friends who are facing devastating news, and we’re left wondering how to respond.
When I received my breast cancer diagnosis at 40, it felt like a sudden shift from the carefree days of youth to the stark realities of middle age. I remember feeling like the youngest person at the oncology center, with nurses commenting on my age while starting my treatment. Their well-meaning words sometimes stung more than they soothed.
Similarly, a friend of mine, Lisa, is now facing her own battle with cancer. As I reflect on my experience, I remember the things that helped me and those that fell flat. If you’re looking to support a friend in a similar situation, here are some heartfelt and practical suggestions.
1. Don’t Treat Her Like She’s on Death’s Door
Just because she’s facing a serious illness doesn’t mean she’s ready to give up. Many well-meaning friends suggested that I take it easy, focus on gratitude, and prepare for the worst. But I was not ready to surrender. Instead of hovering over her like she’s at death’s door, encourage her to live her life fully.
2. Write Thoughtful Cards and Notes
In this digital age, receiving real mail is a delightful surprise. Handwritten notes can be uplifting. Forget the sympathy cards—opt for something funny, light-hearted, or genuinely encouraging instead. Tell her you care, that you’re thinking of her, and that cancer is a real pain. Avoid mentioning any divine plans; she’s likely not in a place to appreciate that right now. If you need inspiration, check out these cards created by a cancer survivor.
3. Offer Specific Help
Don’t put the burden on her to tell you what she needs. Most likely, she’s overwhelmed and unsure herself. Instead, take the initiative. Offer to take her kids to school or extracurricular activities. Prepare meals and drop them off in disposable dishes to ease her load. When I was sick, a group of women organized a meal train that brought me dinner four nights a week for six months. The kindness of those women meant the world to me.
4. Send Care Packages
Remember the joy of receiving a care package during your own tough times? Fill a box with fun items—cozy socks, lighthearted magazines, or even a silly toy like a whoopee cushion to lighten the mood at the clinic. A thoughtful gesture, like a hat to cover her hair loss, can be incredibly meaningful.
5. Don’t Disappear
Even if you’re unsure of what to say or do, show up. Call, text, or visit. One acquaintance of mine kept in touch by joking about my treatment, making me laugh during a difficult time. Just being present mattered more than any perfect words.
Cancer is a harsh reality, but as women, we possess a strength that can confront even the most challenging situations. If you know a friend grappling with cancer, these suggestions might help you navigate how to be there for her.
In conclusion, I’m off to find a quirky gift for Lisa to brighten her spirits—perhaps a coconut bra to wear during her treatments. Laughter and support can make a significant difference in these tough moments. After all, we’re all too young to be facing such battles.
For more insights on managing life’s challenges, check out this article on Modern Family Blog. If you’re considering home insemination options, Make a Mom offers a quality selection of kits. And for those interested in fertility options, the Cleveland Clinic’s podcast is an excellent resource.
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