When my daughter, Lila, turned two, she began to resemble a little version of her dad, and oh my, did she blossom into quite the stunner! With hair that effortlessly cascades in a charmingly crooked part, her darker roots peek through, while the ends still hold on to those delightful baby curls. Every time I gaze at her face, I feel an overwhelming urge to pinch her cheeks, which I hear is a natural instinct—though I remind myself of the old saying about not being able to eat your kids, and I hold back.
I’m sure countless moms share this feeling about their little ones. After all, they’re designed to be irresistibly cute! So when they’re crying for what feels like an eternity or throwing a tantrum because you handed them the Kristoff Gogurt instead of the Elsa one, our instinct is to protect them. We want to shield these beautiful beings from the world rather than send them off to find a new mom who can magically decipher their snack preferences.
Navigating the Conversation Around Beauty
But how do we navigate the conversation around beauty? It’s a bit easier with my son, Max. He’s a handsome little guy, and while I adore calling him my “handsome man,” I don’t feel the same pressure that I do with Lila. With her, I often find myself saying, “You’re so beautiful!” only to quickly add, “And you’re also funny and clever! Don’t forget that!”
This hesitation stems from our society’s tendency to objectify women, starting from such a young age. Think about it—everything from bows to dolls encourages girls to focus on their looks. The culture of beauty can be daunting, and as I ponder this, the concept of beauty starts to feel rather unattractive. Hence, I make it a point to compliment Lila not just on her appearance but on her other remarkable qualities.
Beauty vs. Character
Beauty, in my view, can be rather superficial. Sure, I’d like to be beautiful, but I’d much prefer being interesting. It’s the qualities like humor, creativity, and intelligence that truly enrich our lives and make us enjoyable to be around. While beauty is often perceived as an inherent trait, these other attributes can be nurtured and developed. By highlighting her cleverness or creativity, I’m essentially fanning the flames of her character. Complimenting her beauty, on the other hand, reinforces something she can’t control—something that shouldn’t hold as much weight as it does.
I’m also aware that beauty is fleeting. Lila will always have her intelligence and humor, but her youthful looks will eventually fade. I think of the many celebrities who go to extreme lengths to maintain a youthful appearance, and it makes me wonder why we’re so obsessed with staying young. Aging is a natural part of life, and honestly, some of the most beautiful people I know are those who’ve embraced the wisdom that comes with age. Their wrinkles are not just signs of aging; they’re beauty marks of a life well-lived.
The Importance of Kindness
Moreover, true beauty often lies in kindness. The people I admire most are those who listen, care, and uplift others. Kindness isn’t something we’re born with; it’s a skill that requires effort and intention. While beauty can be fleeting, kindness is limitless and can always be cultivated. I resonate with Roald Dahl’s belief that kindness is the most essential human attribute, surpassing even bravery and generosity.
Fostering Confidence
As I reflect on how to talk about beauty, I want Lila to grow up with confidence. When I was a kid, my grandpa would squeeze my arm and call me “Beautiful,” and that praise stuck with me. Even during those awkward middle school years, I held onto that belief about myself.
So, for now, I let strangers shower her with compliments about her beauty; they’ve got that covered. And just like my grandpa did for me, Lila has her own special person who tells her she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. Meanwhile, I’ll focus on praising her intelligence, creativity, and kindness, making sure she knows those qualities matter just as much, if not more. My hope is that one day, she’ll understand beauty the way I do.
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Summary
In this article, I share my thoughts on why I refrain from solely calling my daughter beautiful. While I adore her looks, I believe it’s essential to emphasize qualities like kindness, intelligence, and creativity instead. Beauty is transient, while character traits can be nurtured. I aim to foster her confidence by celebrating her inner qualities and encouraging her to see beauty in a more profound way.